His W found more evidence...3rd time
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His W found more evidence...3rd time
| Wed, 04-28-2010 - 8:44pm |
Well his W found another piece of evidence.
| Wed, 04-28-2010 - 8:44pm |
Well his W found another piece of evidence.
I do believe she loves him but wonder too.
I can only give you my perspective, but to me a cake eater is someone that wants the best of both worlds. I don't think sex is the only criteria. On the one hand, he wants to keep you on the side, providing whatever you provide such as a listening ear, making him feel attractive and wanted, etc., and, yes, sex, and on the other, he wants the relationship he has with his wife and the family they have created together. He doesn't want to give either one of them up, and quite honestly, as long as you're willing to go along with it, he doesn't have to, you know? His wife will continue to love him and try and keep the family together, and you will continue to see him under those conditions. What can you do to get him off the fence? If I could answer that, there would probably be a lot of happy people on this board. Unfortunately, all I can do is tell you that as far as I can see, the only thing that MIGHT motivate him to make a decision is for you to draw the line and truly act on it. Tell him you're done with it and walk away. If he follows you, takes action and does something about his marriage, then you'll have your answer. And if he doesn't, well, then you have your answer there, too.
I know you're in a tough spot because you love him, but unfortunately, that's what goes with the territory of falling for a man that is married to someone else. To be honest, most don't leave. Especially when there's children involved. It's just the way it plays out. You see it time and time and time again on this board. I guess you just have to have a sit down with yourself and honestly evaluate just what you want and what you realistically will get by staying in this situation. Keep coming here for support, and if you chose to get out of it, visit the EAS board, as there's a lot of support over there, too.
She is staying because she doesn't want to be divorced, lose the lifestyle and everything else. But you have to watch him to - he comes up with BS excuses every single time - he could've admitted to her already that he met someone else and wants to end his marriage. Yet he chooses to stay too - that's cake eating, wanting you both, his wife taking care of his kids and home, and you, making him feel better about himself. I agree with previous poster, as long as you play along, he doesn't have to do anything about his marriage and he won't...there is simply no motivation.
There is only one way to get him off the fence - tell him you won't see him anymore as long as he is staying married. I can almost guarantee you that this will be end of it. And that's a good thing, because you'd be free from this lying cheating b-d and will be able to find someone who'd love you and only you and who'd give you what you want and deserve.
XOXO
Gone
Why does she stay? I think you have to see her as a true human being who made a commitment to a man she loves. You are only looking at it from your little window into their world. You really don't know how good he is at smoothing things over with his W to make her believe that he is Mr. Faithful. The only thing that you should realize is that obviously he is a really good liar and capable of tricking women into getting what he wants. The fact that she doesn't work doesn't mean that she could secure employment or even pay her alimony and child support. A marital bond is so much stronger than an A and ending a M is really hard. I know because I am in the process of ending my M and my DH is begging me to come back home. It's hard to maintain a M and some of us (including me) step outside of our M because of problems within ourselves and the unwillingness to not want to do the hard work in the M. It was easier for me and some ppl to pick up someone on the side. You have to decide how long YOU are going to allow him to play you and his W.
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I left my marriage of 13 years late last year. I did it for many reasons - none of which were because I have a problem within myself or an unwillingness to work hard to make a marriage work. I worked VERY hard for a VERY long time on a marriage that was doomed almost from "I Do". My leaving had NOTHING at all to do with anything "wrong" inside of me or inside of my H for that matter. It was simply a matter of two people who couldn't land on common ground. When I met AP/BF - I saw what love is supposed to be. I was already walking on the fence and with the knowledge that true love exists, I decided (for myself) that it was time for me to go. People ask if I would have left without AP/BF in the picture and the answer is yes, I would have left. Would I have done it at the exact moment I did? I don't know. Probably not. I would have put a little more planning and thought into it. But, I know - deep in my heart - that I would have left eventually. Years of unhappiness will drive you to that point - AP or not.
Please do not say that everyone who has an affair or who leaves their marriage does it because they aren't strong enough to fight. Or whatever. I was strong and fought for many years and it just didn't work. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? No. Something wrong with my H? No. It simply means it didn't work out.