His W found out?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
His W found out?????
9
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 1:53am

Sorry, this is kind of long. I haven't posted in a long time! Have been in A for two and a half years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 3:51am

Hi Trouble, sorry to hear of your "troubles".


If it were me, I would keep it close platonic friends and be happy with that. If your friendship w/ this man means THAT much to you, do yourself a favor: keep it platonic and keep it within the confines of work's walls.


Once you have been caught, it changes everything...trust me. He can say anything about his wife he wants to get you where he wants you, but once caught it will be the WIFE'S tune he sings to. (Luckily, my AP doesn't exactly sing to her tune, we are just more careful; he still makes as much time for me as possible considering his much shorter leash).


You haven't said whether or not you were intimate with one another or not. I also know from experience that once you get intimate, it is very hard to turn back the hands of time and revert to platonic friends; its virtually impossible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2009
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 7:23am

You guys need to lay low for a while......no contact...3-6 weeks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:16pm

Best bet for now is to lay low as you really dont know to what lengths the W could go.

Stay safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 6:41pm
To answer your question - yes we have been intimate for two years. I wouldn't
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 6:48pm
We can't go NC. We still work together and have to see each other every day. I could never go to work and not talk to him. I couldn't do it and besides then everyone would wonder why we weren't talking. They all know we are good friends. It's been a month since this happened and we have not done anything outside of work. His W has questioned him before and I guess forgot about it so hopefully this will just take a little time to do the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 10:54pm

If you're both M, aren't you afraid that she would tell your H? I mean c'mon, I know that the fantasy is awesome! But, if it infringes upon on real life and the possibility of innocent people getting hurt, that should take precedence and a good reason to now start doing damage control and if that means lay-low or chill-out then be it.....

Now may also be a good time to examine where you and your AP thinks this R is going. Obviously, it's not fair to your respective families to just keep hoodwinking them this way and it's NOT right playing with people's emotions. JMHO!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 1:02pm

He is and will eventually make a choice between you and his wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 9:25pm
Hey there trouble_girl.
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 10:46pm

Ok...I'm just going to play the devil's advocate here.

I think you definitely need to evaluate this situation with a CLEAR head, and that can only come from stepping back. I don't judge you for having an affair. I had one too. And the one thing I know is this...you can't always trust what an AP says about their spouse. Especially men. Just because he says his wife is "crazy", doesn't mean she is. She might be crazed with anger and jealousy right now, but that doesn't mean she's crazy. The behavior you described on her part sounds pretty normal for the situation. She thinks there's something going on between her husband and you (there is). She's doing things like smelling his clothes, probably to figure out if he's being intimate with you (he is). Since everything she's suspicious of is actually happening, and everything she's accusing him of is dead on, how can you really think that she is being unreasonable?

Look, these guys 99.99% of the time portray their wives in a negative manner. That does not mean that any of it is the real truth.

Bottom line is this...if you keep up this affair, chances are that she WILL find out all of it eventually. And chances are he will throw you under the bus and do whatever he can to save the marriage. It's just how it usually pans out. Now is the time for you to stop thinking about HIM and the affair and think about YOU and what you are going to do to take care of yourself.