His wife is going to have a baby .oh no

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
His wife is going to have a baby .oh no
3
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 10:17pm
I came to this room due to i know no one elce but this room would know the pain Im in. I saw my MM today. I have been seeing him for over a year now. He is perfect as far as looks he is a cop so that should say it all. Our relationship is just based on sex only. We dont go to the movies or dinner . IT is just sex.. But good sex. I mean we coould lay in bed for 8 hours and just have sex and we do. Well today my bubble was bursted when we were talking about somethiing and he said his wife was going to have a baby. He just said it like no big deal. My heart sank. His wife and him could not have children and i guess they went through Invetro and well it worked. Now it has been two hours and im like feeling really hurt. Crying and just thinking NOOO. He said her having a baby is not going to affect our relationship. He also says that he will never let me go due to im just too perfect for sex. The weird part is I guess i am deeply in love with him. I find myself smelling my sheets after he leaves and thinking about him until the next meeting. Deep down i wish i was having his baby and he loved me. But I know that i should get realty. It is what it is and get over it. I went into this over a year ago with no feelings But now i do care. I do want him and i am in pain. Please tell me what you would do. Should i keep seeing him?? Or should i say it is time to get out now due to my heart is breaking??? If i do tell him my feelings I know he will not see me anymore.
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 10:49pm
((Hugs))

i just don't have any good advice for you, but you are not alone. This room is full of people who care for their MM, and i know some women here are dealing with MM who have pregnant wives.

Look inside your heart you have to make some tough decisions. To decide if you want to keep going, break it off, tell him the truth.

Good luck i just wanted you to know you are not alone!

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 5:08am
Hi, I sincerely feel bad for you and can relate 100%. Although there is not a pregnant wife in my picture, the rest I can relate to. Great sex, only went into it for that never expecting to develope feelings for him certainly making all of this very painful. I'm all but certain the fellow I'm with is there for sex but I don't want to let go as it would break my heart. Not sure at what point I lost all of my self esteem and allowed this to continue (but at some point I will let him go). The right side of my brain would tell you to get out now, especially if your heart has become involved and it sounds like he's very much making long term plans with his wife and is only using you for his sexual pleasure....the future is certainly going to be hard for you in relation to having the baby and maybe not being able to see him as much. I think you know what the best thing to do for your own mental stability is...question is can you do it?

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeing...I also did silly things like smelling his scent. Please know that most everyone on this board knows what you're feeling on one level or another and are here for you. Take care and be strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 8:03am
GIRL...Ive been exactly where you are. My OM and I have been involved for almost 2 yrs now. Im married and he's engaged and I just found out in early September (on my anniversary in fact) that his fiance is expecting his baby. You are between a rock and a hard place right now, one which Im all too familar with. I have decided to stick it out. Our relationship was initially intended to just be a sex thing...I never imagined loving my OM as much as I do now. The thought of us ending breaks my heart in two but on the other hand so does the idea of someone else having his baby. Over the past week my OM and I have both spilled our guts on exactly how we feel about one another. The bottom line is we both agree that we'd never be successful in a fulltime relationship and the simple fact of the matter is that it just takes more than love to make it work. We are both with people who we love very much and who we work well together with in a fulltime relationship and reality is that its best we keep it that way. We spent several hours together Saturday laying in bed talking about where each of us stands and I expressed my true feelings to him about the bumps we are bound to hit along the way...ie the baby, his future marriage and my future motherhood as well...all of which will be emotionally overwhelming. OM expressed his concern with my ability to handle these things and still be happy with what we have and all I know is time will tell. I have absolutely NO CLUE how I will feel the day that baby arrives or the weekend of his wedding but Im sure I'll find out and just deal with it...in the meantime we have agreed to communicate openly and to be expressive and to always hold on as tight as we can to what we have...you can not predict destiny you just have to try to enjoy the ride...

Make yourself and your emotional and mental health your #1 priority - if the weight you are carrying is overwhelming you may consider making some changes. There is nothing easy about the situations we all are in - they are definately best described a fierce roller coaster ride...be true to yourself and your MM...be expressive and be honest and most importantly be realistic.

*hugs*

email me at callmeliberal@hotmail.com if you wish

cl-liberalgirl