Is history together enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Is history together enough?
6
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 7:31pm

Hi, I am a 41 yr old mm, I have been involved with a single man for 1 1/2 years. I am so confused as to what to do. i think about him all the time, i cant seem to get him from my thoughts for very long.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 9:24pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am going through a similar situation, as my H deployed for 15 months and left me all alone in a foreign country - both physically and emotionally. At the time, I was determined to just go to work and make the best of each day, even though I felt completely isolated. But I, too, became involved with someone else (much older) while my H was away because this man actually listened to me and wanted to spend time with me, whereas my husband was more concerned about making money and doing his own thing. So, I know how you feel about being torn between the person you want to be with and the person you've made a life with.


Something you may want to ask yourself is whether or not you are with your AP because you actually love him or because he's just there for you more than your H is. I say that because I've had to ask myself the same question. As much as I love my AP and wish I could be with him, I realize that I probably wouldn't have fallen for him if my husband and I wouldn't have been having problems when I met him. I also think he filled a void in my life with my H being away and not making me a priority in his life like I needed him to. I know that whether or not to leave him is a difficult and painful decision to make, but I think you might need to consider if you can truly make a future with your AP. I've been

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 9:42pm

i am leaving my h of 25 years. i began an a last fall with my first love...it really opened my eyes to how unhappy i have been. after giving all of myself to my family i am ready to start focusing on me...for that reason i am moving on.

ap has no idea and will not..our a is about feeling good and i know this decision is for me and only me...otherwise i would not do it.

good luck and i hope you find clarity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 10:20pm

Thankyou ,so much for your input.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 10:51pm

Thankyou,


It is very tough to decide to leave after such a long time together. I appreciate you sharing with me.


I also think its time to start thinking about my needs and not my H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 11:05pm

am happy to share..spent most of my life taking care of the needs of those i loved..i have no regrets...but i never had a 'true sense of self'...and i learned during thereapy after the loss of my parents that i count too..my husband is not a bad man but he did devalue me throughout our marriage...he is willing to 'do anything' now to keep me but my resentment is huge and in all honesty i have emotionally checked out.
while this is hard ....scary and something i take step by step--it also is something i know i need to do.
i think when a woman reaches the point of no return she knows it deep inside and then it is
hard to stay--my children are grown and i am still young and attractive with a whole lot of living ahead.

i wish you well...i am sure you will find your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 2:04am

Is having a history enough reason to stay?

I don't think so (but that is MHO). A M needs love, respect and communication. You need to feel happy or at least content at least some of the time. Of course M's have their ups and downs, but ultimately if it isn't fulfilling you or you are unhappy, then you need to consider if you can fix it or get out. This has to be done without considering what your AP may or may not do.





Edited 11/23/2008 8:41 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces