Hmm

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Registered: 12-31-1969
Hmm
8
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 6:27pm

Was having a terrible, rotten no good day right out of the gate this morning.  Texted cowboy that he had his work cut out for him if he was going to make me smile today.  After a big fight with H last night about how much I suck as a human being, I was feeling complete opposite of sexy and confident.  He told me that he didn't want "his girl" to be sad and immediately rearranged his schedule and came over to have lunch with me.  When he jumped out of his truck, he gave me a big hug and kiss.  Totally unlike him since we were in the middle of a parking lot where 90% of the customers probably know us.  So hmm I'm "his girl" and he's gone from being afraid of someone jumping out from behind a tree and catching us to PDA at noon in one of the busiest parking lots in town.  Then we were talking about our weekend trail ride and he commented that his horse must have fallen in love too because she didn't want to leave my horse.  I didn't call him out on it but I know he wasn't talking about MY horse falling in love with his because my horse hates anything with 4 legs and tried to bite her every chance he had.

By the end of lunch I'm feeling back to my old self again.  We had a long talk about his situation and then sat in my truck talking for a long time about my situation.  He reached over, took my hand and said that he wished there was a way of getting the spouses out of the picture.  That's when the rodeo clown in me kicked in and I made a crack about how it would be easy for me.  H would have the papers in my hand before I finished my sentence.  But I'm thinking "holy crap".  Then he starts telling me about how he thinks about me all of the time (and I him).  He told me yesterday that he cared about me a lot in response to me teasing him about how he texts me so much for a guy that says he hates texting.

The rational side of me is saying, "What the hell would you do with love in this twisted situation?" but the rest of me is teetering on the edge, ready to fall head first into it with my eyes closed and a big smile on my face.  I have known him for a long time and have had feelings for him for a while.  Rational says it's too soon to feel that way but the rest of me is pointing out that fact to Rational and saying, "yeah, what about THAT?"  There are a lot of arguments in my head now.  I've read countless posts on here like mine and countless replies about how it's not real.  There are no normal stressors that relationships have like bills, work etc.  That feeds Rational :smileywink:

I'm too far gone to step back now.  I can't even entertain that thought.  But what do I need to be careful of going forward?  What the hell do I do with an "I love you" when I'm not even sure I believe in love?  What I'm feeling is nothing like I've felt before.  It's overwhelming and scary but in such a good way.  Time flies and stops all at the same time.  He takes my breath away and I can't think when I'm near him.  Rational girl completely shuts down.  That's when I just want to close my eyes and let life take me where it wants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2011
In reply to:
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 6:33pm

 

EA or PA, every single solitary one of us has felt the exact way you're speaking of. Every one of us.

Try to bring Rational Girl out to play. It's intoxicating, it's exhilarating and usually, it's not real and won't last.

Enjoy it but be smart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to:
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:16pm

I say enjoy it, too.  You're going to fall either way.  You might as well enjoy the fall instead of clawing and fighting it the whole way down :smileyhappy: .  It does sound romantic and sweet. I'm glad he talks to you about how he is feeling.  I think that would make an A so much more enjoyable to have an AP who would actually be open about feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
In reply to:
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 11:48pm

aww...theres nothing in the world like falling in love! Enjoy it, but also make sure to do little reality checks once in a while. Keep you thinking somewhat logically and realistically as possible. He sounds like a sweetie. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
In reply to:
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 10:30am
Lol cowgirl I think your AP had worked out the timing better than you. Happy to read that you enjoyed the preview...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
In reply to: rocklady1970
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 7:27am

Couldnt agree more with everything you said, Peppermintcandy.