This is the second holiday season (and if things go as we plan, the last) we have spent apart. He'll call pretty much like normal, but it will be difficult for us. His family is not up here. He and his W have no children. He is pretty ingrained in my family life now, so yeah, I really notice his absence this time of year. I see him as my life partner and it's hard not to become very sad when he is missing important things in our life together. For me, I guess it's just patience and keeping my eye on our future. I'm not sure how I would cope otherwise.
I will say that last year he was gone for a couple of weeks during Christmas and actually, it was easier because I knew I would not hear from him very often, so there was no waiting for the phone to ring. It was actually kind of liberating. I remember what it felt like when he called to tell me he was back. I was glad to hear from him, excited to see him, and immediately stressed that the OW role had returned. I've never liked it.
6- I don't know what to tell you. I am new to this myself. I don't think a text would be so difficult but maybe he's afraid he'd want to keep texting back and forth and it would get suspicious? I dunno... My NC started once we got off the phone this afternoon. Going to be a LONG weekend.... I am going to spend it thinking of ways we can get together sooner than 4 months from now!!!
HI...I am very very new to this, but one thing I have figured out extremely quickly is that with all of the technology, communicating to anyone, anywhere at anytime quite discreetly is a breeze. He should absolutely be able to get a hold of you somehow to see how you are handling whatever is going on in your life. I understand the 'this is not a test, per se, but it would really mean something to me if he checked in' deal, and I totally agree.
I don't know, you could go either way w/ this one. Perhaps things are just that hectic that texting may be risky. Like the other poster said, maybe he is afraid that if he starts you will roll w/ it, and cause suspicion.
On the other hand there is always a minute to send a text to say "Hey how are ya?" But when you think about it men never put as much stake on emotional stuff like we do. Maybe he just didn't realize just how hard this week would be for you.
I doubt if my post has done anything but confuse you farther, but they are just my first thoughts on the situation. I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving despite what you are going through.
justice is right...I am learning that affair relationships are no different than regular ones, where the woman is saying " a little text would've made me soooo happy...and you KNOW that..." blah blah (I do this too :) ), and it never really crossed his mind either way. Do you think it would be soooo much easier mentally to be the guy??!! We really live a tortured existence as women...ugh......
i'm really sorry to hear that...hopefully by now you've spoken to him..did you ever find something to do by yourself....AP and i spent all thanksgiving eve together then black friday for about 5.5-6 hours...he called me of course on thanksgiving on his way to the in-laws and he text me later that night...i noticed that since i don't hound him for holiday time, he gives it to me..that was one thing that was understood with me i guess from the get - go...i figured it would be a no-go..but he surprises me all the time...so i can never guess what he's gonna do...
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This is the second holiday season (and if things go as we plan, the last) we have spent apart. He'll call pretty much like normal, but it will be difficult for us. His family is not up here. He and his W have no children. He is pretty ingrained in my family life now, so yeah, I really notice his absence this time of year. I see him as my life partner and it's hard not to become very sad when he is missing important things in our life together. For me, I guess it's just patience and keeping my eye on our future. I'm not sure how I would cope otherwise.
I will say that last year he was gone for a couple of weeks during Christmas and actually, it was easier because I knew I would not hear from him very often, so there was no waiting for the phone to ring. It was actually kind of liberating. I remember what it felt like when he called to tell me he was back. I was glad to hear from him, excited to see him, and immediately stressed that the OW role had returned. I've never liked it.
Take care of yourself.
I hope he makes time to at least call you.
del
Edited 11/25/2008 9:01 pm ET by tygerzize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
My NC started once we got off the phone this afternoon. Going to be a LONG weekend.... I am going to spend it thinking of ways we can get together sooner than 4 months from now!!!
I don't know, you could go either way w/ this one. Perhaps things are just that hectic that texting may be risky. Like the other poster said, maybe he is afraid that if he starts you will roll w/ it, and cause suspicion.
On the other hand there is always a minute to send a text to say "Hey how are ya?" But when you think about it men never put as much stake on emotional stuff like we do. Maybe he just didn't realize just how hard this week would be for you.
I doubt if my post has done anything but confuse you farther, but they are just my first thoughts on the situation. I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving despite what you are going through.
i'm really sorry to hear that...hopefully by now you've spoken to him..did you ever find something to do by yourself....AP and i spent all thanksgiving eve together then black friday for about 5.5-6 hours...he called me of course on thanksgiving on his way to the in-laws and he text me later that night...i noticed that since i don't hound him for holiday time, he gives it to me..that was one thing that was understood with me i guess from the get - go...i figured it would be a no-go..but he surprises me all the time...so i can never guess what he's gonna do...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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