Holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Holidays
5
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 11:28am
I am fairly new to this message board (have been lurking for a while) and also fairly new (2 months) in my affair with a MM...I will tell my story another time...when I really feel the need to put it out there for everyone to read...I feel more secure just keeping it to myself right now...but my question is...How do you handle the holidays? How do you handle being without him and the emotional aspects that go along with it? I think I will be ok for Thanksgiving...I'm more concerned with Christmas and especially New Years...how will I possibly get through New Years without him?

UnexpectedOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
In reply to: unexpectedow
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:35pm
Well, I'm not sure I can be much help as this will be the first holiday season I've spent involved in an EMA. But I honestly haven't given it much thought - in my A, it's just a given that occasions like the holidays are reserved for families. My MM has a loving R with his W and his three children, and I have the same with my H and DS. For me, it's about managing expectations - I fully expect not to see much of MM during the holidays, and I'm fine with that. Will he and I think about each other while we're apart? Of course.....but as time goes on, we become more and more clear on the boundaries of our A, and this is an example of one we're not willing to cross. I'm sure I'll spend at least a bit of time wishing MM and I could be spending the holiday together and that he and I could run off and elope and....you get the idea. I'd also love a Christmas / Hannukah gift from MM and would love to give him one, but that's just too risky at this point in time, and it's not necessary as a display of our affection for one another anyway. Now, ask this again as the holidays draw closer, and maybe I'll have a less philosophical perspective, lol. ;-)

 

ItalianPisces

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
In reply to: unexpectedow
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 1:44pm
I remember last year. The holidays were hard for me. We're in a LDEMA so he had come down for Christmas. We got to be together, but then he had to leave to be with the wife and kids. I had a rough time with it. He called me and kept in touch, but still it left me feeling sad and got me thinking about us. I felt so bad that in Jan of this year. Once he was back at work and we were communicating again with each other. I tried to end our A. I wanted to because I thought anything was better then the thought of having to go through that again.

Needless to say. I didn't, :). Now the holidays are coming again, but this time, hopefully, I'll have a better grip on things.

The big mistake I did was not keeping busy & letting it overwhelm me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: unexpectedow
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 4:59pm
hi sweetie l know hard it is about not being with your mm on holidays. but for me l guess l have been one lucklies ladies here l gotten spend alot holidays with my mm at home.he was here past jan for new years eve and day to. wish new what to say make feel better but here for you sweetie hugs kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: unexpectedow
Mon, 10-20-2003 - 9:26pm
The first year of holidays is definitely the worst. For me it got better in following years. It helped in our case that we didn't 'try' to get together, or phone calls snuck in here and there on holidays, we just both knew in advance that we would talk to each other when the day was over, and that we would be focusing on families during that day. (This is where we both belong!) So, just keep busy and know he's thinking of you on that day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: unexpectedow
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 12:09am
Hello Unexpected, and welcome out of lurking!

It helps to get through the holidays and weekends by not building up expectations, remaining realistic, and keeping busy and balanced.

I think that a holiday can be celebrated on any day! You can plan a special day for you and he to celebrate Christmas, and schedule that day for after Christmas - in this way you have "Christmas" with him to look forward to. Or New Years - if you will miss ringing in the New Year with MM, plan to ring in a different midnight with him - make your own "New Year". What is a few days or weeks...the actual holiday is only a label for the meaning of the holiday - the actual date is set by government officials and most holidays are not celebrated on the original date.

During the actual holiday, make sure you have scheduled plenty of fun time for you, and your family if applicable - you need and deserve to be happy and enjoy *any* day regardless of any one else!

The weekends have never been difficult for me, as that is his time with his family, and my time with mine. The holidays are no different - it's the nature of an affair in that we lead seperate lives and I don't expect to share holidays with him. However, this is the first year I won't be able to share each holiday day with my children (wah!!!) as I am seperated/divorcing. Even if I am alone on any of the holidays, I still intend to enjoy the day - simply because *I* love the holidays! At least, that is how I feel now...

Of course you will survive - there are much worse things than missing "a day" with MM, aren't there?

Hugs,

Meow