HOLY HOLY MOLY......OMG!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
HOLY HOLY MOLY......OMG!!!
18
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 6:44pm
Well my MM's W called him at work today to tell him........

She is not moving here, wants a divorce, and what is he gonna do about it....

He told his boss, and me, he will NOT go back to his home state, and will stay here and figure out a way to bee able to see his kids....

I am in SHOCK!!!!

I told him not to assume anything, that she is probably trying to play head games, and looking for him to say "No, please don't, I need you, come out here, or I'll come home" and he won't say that to her...

He said to her "Great so how am I gonna spend time with my kids" and she got really irrate and accused him of having a GF out here, and hung up. He didn't call her back, instead called me when he got home, and told me all about it.

When we were done talking tonight, he was just running to the store, and stopping by here to talk about us, but he had a VM when he hung up, and it was her and she said she is calling at a certain time, and that he better answer...apparently every time she calls, he's on the phone w/ me. LOL

We still have not and will not get intamate. I told him that today. I told him I still will not do anything physical w/ him while he's still married. And he said he understood.

I am still in shock, he is going to call me after he talks to the W and fill me in.

NOW.....I could REALLY fall in love with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 6:59pm
fashiongrrls,

Please leave that man alone and let him work it out w/his W; either via a divorce or reconciliation. Either way, let HIM do it alone. I'm married and so is MM, and we're at the point now where we have to fix our own marriages. We both admit that our marriages are the problem along with our characters.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 7:06pm
He is confiding in ME...I am not the one calling him. I am not telling him what to do, or what choices to make, gee-wiz he's been married for about 4 weeks??? How am I doing anything to HER??

I am mearly listening to him, and I asked him what he would do if she meant it, would he go home, or stay here at his new job.

TRUST ME...I am not one to rush into relationships, I am NOT trying to break up his M, this was all his W's doing. She's insane, that's not my fault, and it's not my fault we met each other, and it's not my fault that we both felt an instant spark. It's also not my fault that he calls me every chance he gets.

I can't just tell him to get lost. We get along very well, and I don't want to turn phsycho like his W.

How can anyone on THIS board tell someone to stay away from a MM and leave him alone?? What kind of a double standard is that?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 7:16pm
Sweetie,

You obviously are not feeling me. How long have you known him? What do you know about his W? What do you know about his past?

Lots of times MM will say and do anything to sample something different. Just be careful and don't give him your heart. He may break it.

This is what I see:

MM meets attractive woman.

Attractive woman is attracted to MM.

MM realizes attraction.

W is physically out of the picture.

MM wants to get closer to attractive woman.

MM is probably willing to do anything to get closer to attractive woman: lie, cheat, steal, etc...

Just be very, very careful. I'm not trying to be judgemental, just helpful. I have MM issues of my own. I struggle everyday to stay away from him. The problem is we work very closely together and he is so damn fine, so charming, so funny, so sweet, so irresistable. I'm working on it though, and I'm trying to be careful too.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 2:35am
I applaude you for keeping it from going a step further. I couldn't behave to that extent. Anyhow, I hope that everything works out for you and that you two end up together. I hope that he's everything you've been waiting for. Goodluck and keep us posted! Jdreamer96
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 10:09am
Applaud?

Since when do we lower our standards so much that we are to be applauded for NOT having sex with a married man. That is standard, moral character. To me, I expect people to behave morally and don't believe someone is doing something exceptional when they are.

I just don't get it. Aim higher people.

No one has a perfect marriage. No one is "in love" with their spouse all the time. No one has the fire between the sheets all the time. That is reality. There's nothing wrong with it. Maybe if someone tells you that this is all normal you will believe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 2:22pm
So then srose20001 I take it you aren't having an A? Because your morals can't be too high if you are. I just meant that I couldn't hold back my attraction for mm. I know what we are doing isn't right. I know the norm is to not sleep with a MM. Because if you are having some A, you are no better then anyone else on this board. Don't come on here acting all high and mighty no matter what your situation is, I doubt any of us need anymore guilt thrown at us then we already have. And this is the place we come to talk and NOT be judged. Now if I have your remarks wrong, then sorry. But it just doesn't seem right for you to judge and tell us to aim higher. We all or at least most of us know what we are doing isn't right. We don't need to be told that. Anyway, sorry for my hot headed response, it just rubbed me the wrong way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 4:26pm
Firstly, Fashiongrll I think its wonderful that you are being supportive and allowing MM to come to you and talk to you about his problems. I am not sure if you classify the friendship that you have with the MM as an A or not, but if so, when in an A or EMA my personal opinion is that friendship and support come first. If both parties are offering advice and being supportive in the others best interest not their own, so I commend you.

Secondly in resposne to srose2001, to come on here and post such comments is wrong. I often find that people who like to post such negative comments and act higher than thou, often do not practice what they preach, or would not if in other peoples shoes.

This message board is to offer support, not criticsm, and although there have been times that I have read an original post and had a negative comment to make, I simply don't make it. Accept in this instance.

Perhaps having sexual intimacy with someone when in an EMA is wrong to you, and we should "aim higher" but did you ever stop to think that we are. Morally it may be wrong, however there comes a time when you have to do what is right for you and what makes you happy. Most of us didn't grow up or get married thinking "gee, wouldn't it be great to have an EMA when I grow up". $hit happens, life goes on, and you deal with it the best way YOU know how. Paying no regards to what others may think or what they have to say.

Sweet

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 5:44pm


srose...

Who, exactly, are you to define morality for everyone?

Pick up any history book and you'll find that infidelity on the parts of both genders has existed since the beginning of time. Or any biology text - humans are just about the only creatures on earth that are "expected" to practice celibacy for the lengthy period of time usually found in marriages.

I'm not about to engage in a debate about "original sin" and such, because there are other forums for that. I just think it's a bit laughable that so many people claim to know what's "right" in this journey we call life.

JMO.

 

ItalianPisces

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 5:48pm
Thanks for the support guys.

I do not (yet) call what I have with MM an A....I am trying to keep it as a friendship. I just came here because I am confused...

I told him last night that he needs to make HIS own decision and if she did D him, I still would not just jump in the sack...he said he would never want it that way, he would take it as slow as possible.

My original issue is that we are EXTREMELY attracted to each other, and I DON'T want that at this point in the R. I want to be there for him, and listen to him, he is just as confused as me.

But his W not wanting to move here, has nothing to do with me, at all. I promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-28-2003 - 9:14am
So, I assume I have encountered resistance.

I do know how hard it is to resist an affair. I have and I am.

I am not the morality police, however, I find it ridiculous when a person says, it cannot be resisted or I don't understand, or people need to "please themselves."

Unbelievably selfish outlooks.

If the only opinions you want are the ones that agree with your own, you are on the right board. Apparently, you don't care to explore your heart and mind and perhaps open them to another, possibly accurate view of what is really going on.

I did not name call, I did not judge. I did point out facts of the matter.

It is wrong to lie to your partners and have an affair with someone else. It is wrong to engage in an affair with someone who is with someone else. You all know this, you have admitted this, yet, when I write it, Oh, God, I'm the invader who simply stated what you already know.

And, to claim that since someone is "not sleeping" with someone but is a romantic interest in the other persons life, and this is supposed to NOT be affecting the other's marriage is a joke. You know what you are doing. Quit trying to justify it to others.

If you can justify it to yourself, that's on you. But, to come to this board and only look for someone who agrees with you it blowing your own horn.

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