Honest question.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Honest question.....
6
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 1:58pm
The wife of my AP told me one day that "cheaters always get caught". Do you all agree with that? That one day, you (in general) will get caught? Is it all about karma?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 2:25pm

I would have to say I do agree with that, for the most part.


I do agree because I think that even though someone may do an excellent job covering their tracks, all it takes is one mistake and it's exposed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 3:13pm

Well, after today I guess I agree that most of the time one of you will get caught.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 5:06pm

YES...its not IF but WHEN

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 5:58pm
I really don't think its Karma...I think its a bunch of different stuff that can happen and ends with the spouse finding out. I've been caught but I filed for D...it sucked big time but it had nothing to do with Karma lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 9:36pm


I don't know, is it not IF but WHEN? I think there are some spouses out there that "know", but don't really want to know. They continue to ignore the "signs" and "red flags". They purposefully don't open the cell phone bill, they don't check up on the "story" they were told.

Sad things is, I don't think it is they don't care, it is just that things are comfortable, even with their spouse having an A, and if the "KNEW", they'd feel like they had to do something about it, they'd have to face it..

Just my 2 cents..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 5:38am

Hi Just,

I am more of a believer in the IF but WHEN possibility.

However, I do agree with the fact that there are spouses out there living with the knowledge and not saying anything about it. Some I think have an inkling something is not quite right and as you said, just don't want to know and don't follow up/check up on the red flags.

In certain cases, I think they don't care...likely because they are doing the same behind the spouses back.

Sometimes as a betrayed spouse its not knowing what to do with the knowledge you acquire or a matter of acquiring "hardcore proof" which can take time and/or a few red flag incidents. Speaking as a former betrayed spouse, and speaking only for myself, for me it was a matter of WHEN not if I would catch him (exH had multiple A's).

In the beginning I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt and was more naive about it, but as it happened again down the road, I got much quicker to the clues. I wouldn't always know what to do with what I found. I'd second guess and think maybe I was over reacting or being jealous. Other times it was obvious what it was and I was just too afraid to confront him; it would take me weeks sometimes. (He was emotionally abusive and I turned co-dependent after a number of years, so given the combination I didn't want to rock the boat). Plus, I was kind of comfortable. I hated what he did and would spend hours every day thinking about it, all the while my heart breaking. But, at the end of the day I knew I could come home to my house and my dog and other comfortable things that made me kind of happy or would otherwise fill the void his actions left me with.