Hot & Cold with My AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Hot & Cold with My AP
8
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 3:50pm

So I went since this past

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 8:22am

It's strange Rayne - you are on the other end of the "hot and cold" syndrome that we so often see here. I think you're the first female MASer who does the "cold" thing which causes the great pain we see here so often! If your AP were posting here everyone would be giving him hugs and telling him that this pattern will continue as long as the A, and if it hurts too much he should end it.

I'm so sorry that you feel so "stuck" in this. I wish I could wave a wand and make both you and your AP feel less, so that you could get untangled from it all. If your AP knows that you're not going to leave your H, why does he hang in there? I know for my OM, our R is "enough", it seems. Is yours "enough" for your AP?

Just know that I feel for you sweetie, and I hope you get the strength to do what it is you really WANT to do, which is end this and free your AP for a proper life of his own.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 9:30am

Good Morning Lex,


I do agree with you that

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:27pm

I wish I had some advice for you, Rayne.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 2:43pm

i totally run hot and cod, wishy washy and flip floppy b/c of the GUILT!!!! it is very difficult for the good christian preschool teacher to seek out and coordinate a situation as this; but god know desperate times call for desperate measures, and i know god is forgiving. u have got to find a way to deal with the guilt. is this your first affair? how long have you been seeing your other guy? all those numbers make a difference. your upbringing makes a difference, your social status, your career choice, your parenting...it all affects you. my first affair partner (or marriage supplement, as i like to refer to is) really tired quickly of the hot and cold stuff and he actually did not contact me after like, the 3rd time i pulled that crap b/c he wanted someone who knew what she wanted, and was comfortable with it. my current supplement, well he is as fickle as i am, but we both recognize the need for each other, and we both get over the guilt. pull-away experience and still want to see the other. strange, i know it. wierd, and causes "yikes" moments for me, too but at least we understand each other. give yourself time to understand why u r doing what u r. is it just for the physical connection? is it an ego boost? is it love? i don't expect to fall in love with any supplement, i love the attention, and the physical connection is amazing. and that is why he is there, but the guilt does make me go hot and cold, and i am working on that part. some AP don't want to hear about it. you have got to be stronger, and it will come in time.


good luck my dear!

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 4:20pm

Hi Marie,


You are absolutely right! It is the guilt and when I'm feeling really bad about what I'm doing I pull away try to

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2008
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 5:14pm
I send you lots of hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 9:44pm

Hey Rayne


Gosh I appreciate your posts. Being on the other side of the guilt thing is so hard and reading your posts gives some insight into how badly the guilt can affect someone, even when they do have feelings for the AP.


All I can say is keep talking to him. If my AP actualy said - I will call you in a few days- Id be ok with it. If I knew he was having an acute attack- Id certainly be less stressed by his sudden lack of contact.


Big hugs though for recognising this pattern.


iggy xx


You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:05pm

I like Iggy's advice.