Hot or cold today?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Hot or cold today?
4
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:17am
So I'll be off to work in an hour and I'm wondering if MM is going to be hot or cold today. We work together, and it's always so hard to tell, especially since he likes to have NC on weekends. I was off work Friday and he was working but could have slipped away and I suggested he come by, but no phone call, nothing on Friday. I sometimes get so confused and frustrated. Why do they do that, the hot and cold thing? Two weeks ago I asked him to be honest with me and asked him if his feelings for me were fading and he said no, that he's just been busy, but why is he too busy to call and say hi or to email me or stop by my desk? He's not too busy to go flirting with the other women in the office. I just wish sometimes I could figure out what he is thinking or is he even thinking about me. Sometimes I think out of sight, out of mind....Thanks for letting me vent, we'll see how the day goes. Hope everyone else is doing better.

ibc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:35am
I agree with you totally about the hot and cold thing. I asked MM just before NC started, if he was still okay with everything between us. He said yes he was. Then I saw him for a few hours the next afternoon, then we only talked once after that, it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since we last talked.

It's b*llsh*t if you ask me. They are too busy to take a minute to send a quick email? I'm getting to the point where I don't think I want to be treated like that anymore. I don't know about you, but I am thinking about ending it between us. I am getting tired of the "say one thing, do another". One minute saying he wants to see me, the next, I dont hear from him for a week or more.

I'm tired of this crap./

Dusty
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 1:32pm
Well, i somewhat know what you mean about the working in the same place because MM and i did work at the same place for awhile so i know exactly what you mean about he hot or cold thing. I wouldnt even talk to him if i suspected he was cold and then he would just quickly come over and ask me if something was wrong. My recent job didnt mind agents dating but MM was a supervisor and i was a agent so that made matters worse. I even thought about going back to my old job that way i would at least get to see him but he said that was more trouble than it was worth b/c we couldnt be seen talking to each other or anything so after that i decided that maybe it is best that i dont try to get my old job back even though i miss it alot. The last time we spoken to each other it was really a good conversation and i found out how he really feels about me, the conversation went something like this, I said "the hardest thing is knowing that i am in love with you and i cant be with you in the way that i want to be" and i know that you dont feel that way just yet right" he said "maybe" i was like "maybe????" he said "i do" "you have too many questions" and then he was like " i do" i was like "you do what" and that is when he said " I love you". I know he was trying hard not to say it but i guess his feelings just came right now. i ask him when did he realize it and he said it has been awhile, i asked him well then why didnt u say anything sooner about it and he said i dont do that, that was puzzling so i ask him what that meant and he said he really doesnt tell anyone that he loves them, he got burned by a ex of his and after that he just put up that wall, he didnt tell me this but i can sense it when i talk to him. He only tells his son he loves him, that's it. Im starting to think he's a commitmentphobic person but that doesnt make any sense b/c he is married. I just dont understand him and what he is thinking either. I get like you sometimes instead of the heart grows fonder for our MM's maybe it is out of sight, out of mind kinda thing for them since they dont have to deal with us on a daily basis and they know we will be waiting on them when they come out of the cave and everything will be peachy keen. I am so lost and i dont know what i am going to do, i just want to just send him a dirty email telling him how i just want it over with but he wont get it b/c he only checks his email every 2 mths and now it's over quota so everything i do send bounces back. uggh...... I hate dealing with this knowing he's probably spending all his time with her and he cant even make one lousy phone call or send a short email to tell me why he has completely disappeared. I am sorry it's long i am just angry and it just seems to be getting worse. Thanks for listening, at least we have each other to talk to about our similar issues with MM. There's just alot of NC going on for us lately, it's kinda weird huh? later
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:31pm
Hey Dusty,

I feel your anger and it is bullsh*t. We shouldn't have to put up with this crap, but we do, why? I'm not in love with MM, but I know I care about him tremendously. The only reason I'm not in love with him is because I'm trying damn hard not to and because of the way he is with the hot/cold thing. It would be so much easier to fall for someone whom you thought might feel the same way for you, but if he doesn't, I sure as heck don't want to get hurt, but we still end up getting hurt regardless...This sucks!

So he didn't ignore me today, we actually had a very long talk about his M and his upcoming baby. I'm glad I could be a support for him, but I hope at the same time that he does not think that I'm trying to get info out of him for my benefit or that I'm trying to manipulate his relationship in anyway, but I bet tomorrow he will feel uncomfortable about the things he shared and will ignore me. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I was going to view this A differently and not get so emotionally involved. Of course that was full of crap because that's what I thought he wanted to hear. I thought he did not want me to get emotional or attached b/c I was sure he does not feel the same way about me, but I don't know, am I wrong. If things in his M are so difficult, does he actually have stronger feelings for me and that's why he's even in an A with me, because trust me he can have an A with anyone else and has people sitting there willing to, so it makes me wonder why he "chose" me. Does he feel something more for me than I realize or am I just kidding myself?

ibc

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 10:44am
Hi IBC, I wonder those same things myself. I have strong feelings for MM, not exactly 'love'. But I always wonder how he feels about me. We don't talk about things like that, its kind of off limits I guess. And I think he purposely doesn't say anything to me that would lead me to think he has feelings for me so I don't get hurt in the long run.

But in our situation, there is a travel time as well as he has to cross the US Border which is really a hassle these days, and you never know how traffic is.

So he has to plan on taking the whole afternoon off just to come over and see me for a couple of hours, and he does that almost every week.

So I can't help thinking, if its only about the sex, he could EASILY find someone alot closer to him. Or at least in the same Country!! I'm sure he could find something alot more convenient for him, being a busy business man and all. (a little sarcasm there)

He has said before he was fond of me or this wouldn't have lasted so long (2 years). But still, I haven't heard from him yet this week (its 2 weeks ago today we last talked), I don't know what the heck is going on.

He could be on vacation for all I know but he doesn't keep me in the loop.

I'm really undecided what I will do if/when he gets ahold of me again. Because I'm going to have to let him know how I feel about this NC and if he expects to continue seeing me, he'd better smarten up!!

Dusty
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