Hot sex to no sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Hot sex to no sex?
3
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 7:48pm
What does it mean when a relationship starts VERY sexual, and turns more and more into a friendship?

My relationship started purely sexual. That was all we met for at first. Then we started doing other things, almost dating it seems. We were in public several times together, but we'd been working on a project together (but not work-related). It became so much so that some rumors started about us. We have different circles of friends, so I didn't really care what other people talked about. Nobody could prove anything. It gradually became much less about sex and more about friendship. Sex was further apart, but just as, if not more passionate.

Due to various circumstances, we haven't seen each other in a month (out of the 4 that we've been together). We rarely even talk about sex anymore. We talk about our problems, daily things going on in life, money issues, stuff like that. He's kind of opening his world up to me, I guess.

I guess I'm trying to over-analyze this and figure out what it means.

By the way, I'm DYING to have sex with him again, and am guessing it will be quite passionate since we've been maintaining this daily talking friendship thing, and we've both had some bad stress that we've helped each other through.

Does this mean he's in it for anything more than just an A? I don't know myself if I could see myself in it for the long haul.

By the way, every sexual relationship I've been in (3 to be exact, other than a couple spring-break one night stands), the guy never breaks up with me and has expressed an interest in marrying me. And actually, a spring break one night stand turned into a major long-distace relationship, if you could beleive that, until I moved thousands of miles away. I seem to suck men in so-to-speak, so I'm wondering if MM is falling into this same category?

It's still WAY to early in the relationship to tell, but I thought this was going to be just about sex. But I guess not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:37pm
hi secretgarden. i think your post got pushed to the bottom of the pile.

it is early in the A for the "purely sexual" aspect of it to be pushed aside. have you asked MM/OM what's going on? honest communication about your needs, sexually or otherwise, is paramount here. if the rules change in the middle of the A, you have every right to ask why. it's great if MM/OM wants to be your friend, but i'm sure you have lots of "friends" but only one A partner.

just ask him why there's very little sex happening. ask him to talk to you about the A/R. see what happens. good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 2:46pm
Hi MSG, that does sound a little weird. I'm in a mainly sexual A also, and things are as hot and heavy as always (2+ years). We are all over each other as soon as that door closes!! But you should probably ask him what's up with that. Unless you think maybe he feels guilty about it? And prefers to keep things on just a friends basis without the benefits?

BTW, sounds like you must have some magic mojo to get these guys wanting to M you!!

Dusty

TGIF
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:20pm
I think a lot of it has to do with the logistics of it. We're both new at this running around behind the back thing. I've never even cheated on a boyfriend, and he says he's never cheated either. Whether that's true or not, I don't know, but he seems sort of like a novice about where we should go and how we go about having sex.

He also does have a lot of crap going on in his life/family (parents, siblings, not his own--he doesn't have kids), which I know is true, because when we were working on his "project" together, I met his sisters and brothers and his dad. And his wife, so I heard them talking about stuff that was the same as what he was telling me. He's sort of the one whose got it together, so he has to spend a lot of time doing stuff for them.

I don't think it is the guilt thing. We've talked about it. He brought it up, telling me he hopes I don't feel guilty about it. He said he didn't feel guilty. It's kind of easy for us to not feel guilty because neither of us have kids...I suppose we should feel guilty about cheating, but I honestly say it isn't a strong emotion I have about this.

Last time we had sex a month ago, it was very hot and heavy, and he called me later that day and wanted MORE. He was begging, but I just couldn't get out. So I don't think he's turned off by me or anything!

We may get together tomorrow though! *crossing fingers and toes*