How to ask???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
How to ask???
2
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 1:45am
I have been dating a MM for the past 4 months. He left his wife after a month into our relationship. I know he didn't leave her for me. They have been having problems for a long time. If anything, my presence just made it a little easier for him to do. She filed for divorce immediatly. I don't ask questions about their relationship or about the divorce because I know it has to be hard enough without the girlfriend adding to it. I want him to leave her because he is unhappy and wants to leave, not becase of me or because I am nagging him about it. I know that, to a point, I have a right to ask because my feeling are involved also. There are three children involved which also makes me reluctant to stick my nose in it. We love each other so much, but I don't know how to bring this up to him. How do I ask him about the divorce and how he feels without coming off as the pestering girlfriend? How do I not make him feel alienated while getting enough information to know my status in this ordeal? With Christmas just around the corner, I feeling insecure about my place in his heart. I know he loves me. He and his wife are from out of state. Of course they are flying home to be with the families for christmas. I know he has to do it. He would be an a#%&@le if he didn't go home. They were married for 20 years and thier familes will be together for Christmas. It just sucks knowing she will be there. I'm just trying to figure out my place in all of this and how significant is it

FoxyE513

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: foxye513
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 4:18pm
When he is ready to talk about the divorce, he will. Be patient with him and let him set the pace. Relax and enjoy your new relationship. I know you want to know where you stand but, he may not be ready to talk about what your status is with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: foxye513
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 7:00pm
girlfromatl gave good advice. If there's anything you need more than patience when you're dealing with a MM, I can't think of what it is. Take into account how he speaks to you and how he treats you...that can tell you something about how you 'rate' in his world. My SO is extremely guarded with his heart. We've been together 7 months, now, and while he told me months ago that he loves me, he's just now getting around to being completely honest with both me and himself about how much I mean to him. I still don't know how that 'compares' to his feelings for his g/f, but bottom line is this...he treats me wonderfully. He does little things to show he thinks of me through the day. He sacrifices for me. That tells me that whether I'm first or second in his heart is really irrelevant (unless I'm PMSing!), the fact remains that I have little cause for complaint: he gives his all to me and doesn't leave me second guessing as to how wonderful he thinks I am and how glad he is to have me in his life. If he's doing the same for her, well, then good for her and he's a man of rare energy levels.

As for being with his wife over the holidays...it's probably better for the kids if they are, so look at it that way. That he's just trying to be a good dad. That may help. Maybe?? Probably not!!!

Good luck. I hope you find peace.

Lucky