How can I be this selfish?
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| Mon, 02-08-2010 - 8:57pm |
I haven't been here in a while. AP and I have cooled it since about mid Dec. But we talked for 2 hours today and we are planning on future meetings. I wasn't ready for it. I thought I could stay away. There's no guarantee of anything happening, but I see it coming.
I don't want to go in to detail, but my reason for the A is physical only. My H and I don't have a sex life, not because he doesn't want to please me, but because he can't. This makes the guilt worse, but is one of the reasons I haven't confessed though I've felt horrible guilt over the whole thing. He wants to be with me, but just can't. But, I feel like I need sex. I want it. I have raging hormones that sometimes feel out of control.
So, what do I do? Should I stay away from AP or just continue to meet my needs and go outside my marriage. When I'm 85% happy and 15% unhappy, and the entire 15% is my sex life with my H, I wonder if this extramarital activity will help or hurt in the long run. I love my H, but I WANT this OM, physically.
Please give me advice.

Confused, when you say this: "My H and I don't have a sex life, not because he doesn't want to please me, but because he can't." Do you mean he has ED? Because something most people don't seem to realize is that "sex" doesn't mean "intercourse". Intercourse is only ONE sex act, there are SO many others, and things can be used to simulate the intercourse part of it! I think the hardest part of ED would be if the man can't be satisfied, but the woman can always be satisfied through a variety of other things. A good sex therapist can help you both, if you truly want an intimate life with your H, and it might be better than you could imagine.
If that's not what you meant, if there is some reason your H can't partake in any intimate behavior for some reason, a sex therapist might still help, or couples counseling, to help you get that "intimate couple" feeling back again.
There's really no advice for the rest. If you start a physical affair, hoping it stays only physical, your body will start making bonding chemicals after sex which are impossible to ignore and you'll develop feelings. It's the same chemical we make when we breastfeed and is probably responsible for the survival of the human race but it's darn inconvenient when we don't want it LOL! Think about how your life will be complicated if you fall in love. If you go ahead, just prepare yourself for the feelings.
You've got a lot of choices. I