How can LOVE be WRONG?
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| Sat, 10-18-2003 - 4:40pm |
But low and behold I became friends with a MM at work and after a course of a year we are very much in love. We fool around but have not had intercourse (as we can both raionalize he's not 'technically cheating") and he told me he was in love with me BEFORE anything physical had happened. We both tried to fight this and I have tried NC a few times. I was fine moving on, or so I thought, until we decided to take an overnight trip.
I have NEVER loved another human being this way....completely, unconditionally, superbly. ANd to top it off, I have NEVER felt as loved as I do when he looks at me, holds me, cries for me. It is SO hard to TRY to do the right thing....because I love this man.
He married young and has 2 boys with her. She has done nothing to deserve being left. His kids don't deserve their father leaving. But he is, and ALL his friends agree, in a loveless marriage. They don't fight, the family doesn't know they are unhappy...it's just LOVELESS. I have asked if he wants me to step out and leave so he can try to find what he has with me with his own wife....he said that it's impossible. They shouldn't have married, but they are.
I want to do the right thing...but the right thing for ME and him I feel is to love each other whenever possible. I'd rather have a little bit of heaven then a whole lot of nothing.

"They don't fight, the family doesn't know they are unhappy...it's just LOVELESS." How do you know they are "unhappy"? If they don't fight is it because they don't hate each other, or because they really don't care enough about each other to give a damn about anything enough to fight about? Maybe they don't fight because they have a mutual respect for each other and they both love their children dearly and enough to be civil to each other to "model" a healthy relationship for them. Why don't they fight? If they don't know they are unhappy, then how do you know? How do you define marital "happiness" WITH CHILDREN?
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My H and I don't fight a lot either. Not all marriages have bitter acrimonious fights and name calling in front of the children. My H and I don't talk to each for days together when we fight. We just avoid each other. When I try to bring up the issue sometimes he just shrugs and leaves the room. He avoids conflict resolution big time and that why its hard for me to "talk out" our problems to him. If somebody doesn't think its their mistake and its all other person's fault what else can you do than just to ignore them like they ignore you. So that's why a lot our friends think we are "happily married" while one of us is swallowing the hurt and getting past the issue for the sake of the marriage. Just my two cents worth....
Juliet, I'm very sorry your marriage is that way. I really hope your H will come to his senses and take responsibility for himself and his faults as well.
Lots of love and hugs to you girl.
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Oh, BTW thanks for the hugs and good wishes...
Edited 10/20/2003 12:41:48 PM ET by julietsfate
Love in and of itself is not WRONG. It's when we just happen to LOVE someone who isn't fully available to us....LOVE becomes less than it should be and compromised. I know how you feel girls.
Edited 10/20/2003 1:47:11 PM ET by hisgoodgirl
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