How did you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
How did you do it?
6
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 2:40am
Can I ask of those who have gone all the way...those who have left their H and homes for the OM.

How did you do it? Was it well planned?

Did your H find the whole thing a surprise?

The closer my leaving gets, the more scared I become. Not sure exactly what I fear, probably a myriad of things. How will H handle my leaving, how will I handle losing all contact with my loved ones. (NONE of them will be able to accept what I'm doing so they'll probably cut off all contact with me after the fact......I've made peace with that probability. I'll lose contact with my precious 7 year old grand child though, and that scares me quite a lot I guess.)

LOL As you can see, I do a lot of middle-of-the-night rambling and thinking. LOL

How have others actually carried through with their plans? How did you manage your own emotions at a time when you were feeling your weakest?

Did others know your plans? Friends? Family?

Thankyou for your thoughts...I've found them comforting and valuable thus far. It helps a lot to be able to talk about this stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 10:39am
This a big decision....leaving your spouse for another person....is he leaving his spouse too? I think you really really really need to think over your decision. Please do go to the end affair support board...you will find quite a few women there who thought that the OMs/MMs were their soulmates, their everything and now realize it was not that grand and romantic after all. Most of the stuff that they thought about the MM or OM was what they wanted the MM or OM to be and not what they really were.

Please do think over your decision very hard.

Philly Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:07am
Without knowing your particular situation, my advice to you is to leave and WAIT to be with the OM. Sneak and see him if you have to (just DON'T get caught!) but don't leave and boldly move in with this other guy. There's no reason you have to tell everyone you're leaving for this other person. Say you're leaving for YOU; that you no longer love H; that you've grown apart, whatever. But in actuality, you NEED to leave for you because there are no guarantees this other guy will stay with you for the rest of your life. Make sure you're prepared to be alone if things fall through. I think your family will be a lot more able to handle you leaving if you leave, live alone for a while, then start a R with someone else, even if he's an old friend and they have their suspicions. You're going to need your friends and family more than ever and if you cast all of them away and leave yourself with only OM to count on, you'll be especially vulnerable...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:13am
Excellent points, all of them. Thankyou.

Now how do I get to the area one of you suggested.....the "end" of the forum? LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:17am
*whoops* and slapping my forehead....I wrote it wrong....

I know where to look next, thankyou. LOL

Gaaaa dorky morning here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:45am

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:55am
Maxi-

I just left my husband last Sunday. I did not leave for MM though, in fact, our R is still a secret because of his W. But, my situation was totally different than yours. I don't know how long you've been married or why your family wouldn't be there to support you. I had a jealous and controlling H so it was easy for me to walk away, although we have three young children. My family actually knows about OM and is very supportive. In fact, he has hung out with my dad a few times (sounds crazy, I know). But, my family was more supportive of me leaving than staying so it was a completely different situation! The best advice I can give is maybe don't let them know you are leaving for OM. Maybe you should try taking baby steps. Get an apartment first and then wait a while before you bring him around. A grandchild is a precious gift and it would be horrible for you and her to lose contact. Maybe if you go out on your own and in a few months introduce them to OM and go from there instead of rushing away with him it would be easier for everyone to swallow. I know this is all easier said than done but you are making a big decision that isn't only going to affect your life but the lives of those around you as well. If OM really cares than he will fully understand your need to keep things calm with the family for the sake of your grandchild. Best of luck.....