How did you spend Valentines Day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
How did you spend Valentines Day?
17
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 11:28pm

Hi all. well Valentine's day is almost over. depending on where in the world you live, it is probably over by now. But who did you guys spend it with, husband/wife or affair person? how did you divide your time? did you you spend part of the day with husband/wife first and part with AP?

if you are a SINGLE OTHER WOMAN, did your mm spend part of the day with his wife and part with you? as an ex-single other woman, a day like this can be hard. at present, i am single, no boyfriend for some time now, so the day passed like any other day, plus i have a deadline at work tomorrow, so i spent it working.

but back to Valentine's day. How did you spend it?

k2002
k2002

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 2:55pm
I spent a nice quiet day with my kids and H, all the while quietly disappointed that
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 3:12pm

I'm sorry touchofgray,

Having been with my AP/BF for almost three years now myself...I know you what you mean about downturns. I also know that things will, if you want them to, right themselves sooner than later.

I'm sorry that he didn't at least call, but maybe he's become so comfortable with the situation that he doesn't feel it's necessary to still "woo" you. I posted a bit of an article that I just read...it's under the "Invited to public place by AP", and it really helped put things in perspective for me.

Take care,

benska




Edited 2/18/2010 3:14 pm ET by benska2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2010
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 11:55pm
My AP lives in another country – an 8 hour flight away.
3 days before V-day, I greeted him in advance and said I might not be able to do so on the day. He sent some SMSs the next couple of days, but I didn’t reply.
On V-day, H had work and by the end of the day, he asked if I wanted to go out – I said no.
The day after V-day, I sent a message to AP to say Hi and “have a great work week.” He said he worked on V-day, asked if I received his messages, and kept wondering why I hadn’t replied. He wanted to call me or send me a message but thought that something was wrong.
He then sent a message “I feel like I lost you.”
You might ask why I didn’t reply to his SMSs over the weekend. To test him perhaps... but more to test myself if I could cope without any communication with him even just for a few days, more so on special days like V-day.
The result – both of us failed miserably... We're so madly in love with each other!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 11:51pm
so does he plan to divorce or what? You ever asked him?
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 12:23pm

Hi k2002,

I've never asked him, haven't needed to because he's basically told me that he's not going to divorce.

In the midst of one of our (many) arguments, I've told him that personally, I'd rather be happy than to have THINGS...and the big thing that he has, is his house. Why would he leave a wife, who lets him lead the kind of life he's leading (has led) since they got married? Why on earth would he leave a beautiful little house on the river, with some of the most fantastic views you've ever seen? He's become very comfortable being a bachelor within a marriage. He gets to do whatever he wants...he has me on the side, and when he's tired of that he can go home and be alone in his wonderful little basement bedroom. And if it wasn't me, it would be someone else...except the next time he gets involved I'm pretty darned sure that it's gonna be without any sort of emotional attachment whatsoever.

Why would he leave all that, to be with pscho woman? That would be me :0) Heck, that would be "broke, jobless, pscho woman" That's what he calls me sometimes you know. He decides that I've done something horrendous, gets his knickers in a knot and completely ignores me...without even telling me what the problem is. So when I text, call, text...asking to know what the heck happened, asking to please...lets just be adults and TALK about this...well then, that makes me a pscho.

I don't know what it is within me that allows this. I just don't want to be alone I think. How pathetic, eh?

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:32pm
"And if it wasn't me, it would be someone else". you know a friend of mine who is involved with a second mm said the same thing. she told a mutual friend of ours that same thing and the friend told me. the friend was asking her how she got herself involved in "that type of relationship" (our mutual's friend's words, not mine). she answered by saying the same thing. it seems like your mm doesn't treat you well. you must not allow him to treat you bad. you deserve better. i can't remember if you were married yourself? remind me.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:55pm

I was married for almost 25 years when AP/BF decided to make a pass at me. A pass that I reciprocated with every fibre of my being, and fell head over heels in love...my divorce was final, funnily enough, on what would have been our 27th wedding anniversary.

No, AP/BF doesn't treat me as well as he should. I have no idea why I accept this behavior, but I love him and am willing to make allowances. We are both truly messed up human beings...we need each other I think.

benska

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