How do I end the affair?
Find a Conversation
How do I end the affair?
| Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:12pm |
My first affair...great in the beginning....
But Im falling hard for him.....
We are both married...we like what we have...
More of flirting , staring at each other,
leaving notes, ( we're co workers)
not just sex.
Havent had that for months with him.
Every time I say, thats it...I break down when we
are finally left alone in a room....
Its so hard.
But Im falling hard for him.....
We are both married...we like what we have...
More of flirting , staring at each other,
leaving notes, ( we're co workers)
not just sex.
Havent had that for months with him.
Every time I say, thats it...I break down when we
are finally left alone in a room....
Its so hard.

Pages
It is going to be very hard to end it if you continue to work together, can you get a transfer to a different dept or change jobs all together.
You need to understand if he does really care for you he will accept your decission to end the Affair and support you in this, I am not saying he will be happy about it but he will put your needs first (IT'S CALLED LOVE).
If he refuses to back off you know he is in it at this point for the SEX and you are going to have to make up your mind if you want to be used in this way or not, you can draw strenght from that.
If he is really agressive ask him if he wants his wife to know (I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO TELL HER), it is a move that will give you power over your future.
You should consider Individual Counceling or MC with your husband if you are interested in saving your Marriage, that is up to you.
FREE
Havent had that for months with him.
But my first couple of statments still stand.
FREE
You sound like me. Feelings started getting too strong and it scared me ... still does. Is that the reason you want to end it? How long have you been in EMA? Mine is almost 2 years, on and off, mostly FWOBs at first, the sex came later. Both of us are M w/ no intentions of going anywhere. My M has been the worst it's ever been for the past 3+ years when MM walked into my life and "saved" me from the depths of despair. I know it sounds corny but that's the way it felt at the time. Trying to go back to FWOBs only but it's hard. There is so much passion between us. We both agreed to end the sexual side of things and I was pretty good at standing firm. So I figured that would be my New Year's Resolution (his too). That was a joke bc we didn't make it past Day 5.
I love MM as a friend and we enjoy the fringe benefits of our friendship, and I'm learning (trying to, at least) to not let it go beyond that. One of the reasons I want to end things is bc I'd rather stay good friends and don't want to jeopardize our friendship or his family life (or what's left of mine) even tho he jeopardizes his all the time w/ his behavior (he's a huge flirt). I've gotten off the huge dips of the roller coaster affect and the best way I handle things is to not expect anything from this EMA or MM. We both love the passion we have and that we have eachother to talk to when we need a shoulder to cry on and at this stage in my life, that's all I want. I've taken a que sera sera attitude and am staying busy with work, etc. I try not to let him get me in an emotional tizzy anymore and have backed off with my feelings because they were growing out of control and it was driving me crazy. So far it's working. The sex isn't the important thing, it's more of an emotional bond that we have and if we make love it is an expression of the emotional bond that already exists and if we don't make love we're still okay because that emotional bond is still there and maybe will always be there. We're both big teases and we love to tease eachother.
Sorry for rambling. I have decided to quit putting so much emphasis on trying to end the A. Have tried so many times, more times than I can count. It's gotten to the point where we say "it's over" it's like "yeah, right". So, you'll see me vascillating between here and the "other" board. BTW, this is my first and only affair I've ever had and ever will have. Don't like losing control of my feelings like this. Like you & your MM, we too love the flirting. A site that helped me *analyze* affairs, i.e., why they happen, who is TOW, etc. is at www.gloryb.com. I guess my MM is what is called a "cakeman" and that's okay with me. I like where I'm at and wouldn't want to be in his W's shoes, at least not today.
EMAs happen for different reasons and before you try to end it, it may be good to see why you started having an EMA in the first place. EMAs have this way of making you look into yourself to see what is going on within you. If things are the same (the reason or circumstances) that triggered the EMA, then you'll probably continue to be drawn into the EMA. Fix what triggered the EMA and then you'll be able to end it. As you can see, I haven't fixed anything yet, but when I do, I know the EMA will be over. Hope this helps. Until then, have fun flirting w/ your MM!
Luvin
I ALSO HAVE BEEN IN MY EMA FOR 2 YRS...
IM TAKING ALL UR ADVISE TO HEART...TRULY !
THIS IS MY FIRST A...AND PROB MY LAST...GOING TO LOOK INTO MYSELF
TO SEE WHY I DID..LIKE U SAID...SO THAT IT DOES NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
I FELL FOR HIM...BIG TIME...HE NOW SAYS HE WANTS TO HAVE A MOMENT..
W/ NO INTERRUPTIONS BUT HE CANT FIND THE TIME....I HATE WHEN HE SAYS THAT.
HE IS A NEWLYWED, WITH A NEWBORN AT HOME....I UNDERSTAND...BUT
I MISS HIM...THINK OF HIM CONSTANTLY...
ITS SO HARD..WHEN I SAY THATS IT...NO TIME FOR ME MEANS U AINT
SERIOUS, SO ITS OVER...THEN HE WILL PASS NEAR ME, LEAVE NOTES AND
SAY I DRIVE HIM CRAZY AND HE DOES NOT WANT THE FUN TO END....
I LUV IT THAT U RAMBLED ON....I LEARN FM THAT...
THX FOR THE EAR...I CANT TELL ANYONE ABOUT HOW I FEEL...
THIS WAY IS SO MUCH MORE COMFY FOR ME...
I CANT THANK U ENUF...
ARE U A MALE OR FEMALE...IF A MALE..
I WOULD LUV TO HEAR A MALE POINT OF VIEW...
IF MY MM TELLS ME...I WANT MORE TIME W/ U BUT I CANT
B/C OF TIME AND WORK...DOES THAT MEAN HE REALLY DOESNT
WANT ANY MORE FUN W/ ME?..
IF SO, WHY CANT THEY JUST SAY ..NO, ITS OVER,
BUT SAY I CANT ..WISH I HAD TIME...TOO MANY CO-WORKERS
LOOKING, NEWBORN AT HOME...
AND STILL LEAVE NOTES, AND TOUCHES ME HERE AND THERE
AS WE PASS EACH OTHER.
THX FREE....UR ADVISE IS GREAT ALWAYS.
TOW
Maybe we have the same MM!!! That's why he's so busy bc he's w/ you and vice versa! (LOL)
Mine is always so busy, with this and that, and rushing here and there, late everywhere (but then, so am I). We're both the same and we're always late to our "meetings". Since that's my nature too I don't get too irritated but I used to, big time.
One part of the Secret Lover's Creed is "to give you space when you need it". Remember, not to be demanding, sounds like W then. Let it go. When you treat 'em like you don't give a f*** that's when you have 'em. (Easier said than done). On the other hand, when you're calling and having emotional tizzies (BTDT) they run. The words no man wants to hear is "we have to talk". Leave him alone and let him approach you with those words and then tell him you'll try to squeeze him into your schedule (in a seductive way). Play with him. Afterall, that's what EMAs are all about, all play.
Luvin
IM gonna do it....not push, let him come to me.
btw...im so new to this....sorry..
BTDT ??
Pages