How do I end the affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
How do I end the affair?
18
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:12pm
My first affair...great in the beginning....

But Im falling hard for him.....

We are both married...we like what we have...

More of flirting , staring at each other,

leaving notes, ( we're co workers)

not just sex.

Havent had that for months with him.

Every time I say, thats it...I break down when we

are finally left alone in a room....

Its so hard.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 9:59pm
Hi Tow

Now I am insulted FEMALE LOL :-)

I asked my SO to have a look your post (boy did he give me a strange look, but there was no one else to ask).

He thinks the MM is in the EMA for the fun of it and will like keeping it that way, but that you should not take the EMA to seriously, he also thinks once the new mother gets drained by careing for the child MM will find more time for you as the sex and emotional satisfaction with the wife will dwindle for a few years (he is right according to all the men that I work with there always moaning about this).

Now for me: I think you need to learn to keep your emotions in check and mybe pull them back a bit for your emotional health and not so much as to run a game on him, and not think of this as more then it really a EMA fun and games that will end in time my be sooner maybe later but will end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 10:49pm
sorry free...never meant it as an insult....

thanks for ur advise....

dammit....guess he is in it for the fun...

didnt think i would get so emotionally attached..

and ur right...it will end..sooner or later.

I'll never forget what u said...

men give attn for sex....women give sex for the attn.

thx soooo much , free...

oh...and also thx to ur SO....

:)

TOW ( i hate being the other woman )

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:59am
Tow, BTDT = been there, done that.

Unfortunately, that's part of our makeup as women (speaking in generalities here). We love attention (at least I do) and some need more love & attention than others (me again). That's how I feel weak to my MM. He made me feel loved at a time when I was on empty. We all know it's not love but it damn sure feels good at the time. I guess it's like being on drugs and needing a "fix" every now and then, not meaning sex in itself, but the tease, the passion, the attention. Free's SO is right, when a newborn comes along a lot of men feel neglected. Ask yourself "where do you want this EMA to go, if anywhere?" Some want their MMs to leave their Ws, others want them to stay w/ their Ws, others aren't sure. As for me, I want my MM to stay w/ his W and it looks like that's unraveling and so is MM which is affecting me. I'll post in a new thread bc I need advice on this one.

Take care.

Luvin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 11:09am
act like you dont give a f#$%...boy do you have that right! works everytime. ive not seen mm since friday, and there were other people around, so all i got was a wink, lol. i was just thinking about sending a "whatcha been doin" email, then i read your post. lol, i'll make him come to me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 2:24pm
Okay...a bit of advice from someone with almost exact same circumstance. We just ended our A last night. We have been seeing each other for 8 months, and we work together as well. I kept telling myself each time I saw him, that it would be the last time. It just got too much to bear-my emotions way out of check. All I did was think of him, and pretty much lived for his notes, emails, phone calls, glances at meetings, and of course, the time together. We talked about how we needed to end it. That we need to end it on a good note, so that we can look at each other and work together, and know we had something special. Leaving on a high note, we will look at the A as something special and romantic-not spiteful and angry at the end (which with my emotions getting out of whack, it could have been). He held me, we both actually cried (I'd NEVER seen him display much emotion, especially cry). I realized how special it was to him too...and we just hugged each other which seemed like forever. I didn't want to let go. When I did, I said to please not email me anymore. We needed a clean break. I hugged and kissed him goodbye. And we know when we bump into each other at work, those glances to each other will be "remember when" vs "how about our secret". It couldn't have ended better. I'm devasted, but I also felt lighter when I left his house. I'll mourn a bit, but I think it will get better as each day passes.

One day at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:06pm
feels like im seeing ahead of what is to come...

im sorry yours ended.......

i still have those glances...( how about our secret) as you did.

Im going to have to do as u did.....talk and end it..

mostly b/c we hardly have time for one another.

u sound like a strong woman....or trying to be.

Hope im half as strong.

Tow

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:11pm
do it....

im sure they come to u ...if u stay away.

im gonna play a little that way...

until i get the nerve and chance to end this.

its funny...aint it..

i get the winks too.., the "look" that goes

un-noticed to others....but i can read the look.

he blinks his eyes continuously....every time he sees me...

b/c i said it drives me....he luvs that i luv it...

im doing it...staying away....

he'll miss it...

thx lazy !

TOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:25pm
thx luvin...

i luv it that we can all read the messages...

and connect !

i dont want my MM to leave his wife either, and I dont want to leave my husband.

i dont get any affection or attn at home...

i just fell overboard when someone else started giving it to me.

I dont get it...im an attractive girl, great frame, ....guess the H's

get used to what they have.

my MM is a total hotty...but doesnt get the attn at home either.

its funny...we worked in the same comp for 10 yrs ( diff. locations)

saw each other only on functions...never had a thing for him...nor did he for me.

then i was transfered...and he became my mngr....

and when i saw him on stage( he's a lead singer on personal time)

that was it !!

he said for him....all it took was me walking in the door...

damn...he drives me...

sorry for rambling on !

(hmmmm..hope the W doesnt come on site and recognize her man!)...lol

TOW

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