How Do I Keep the Upper Hand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
How Do I Keep the Upper Hand?
12
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:21am

Oh, am I ever glad I found this forum!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 8:22am

"Even the fact that he is a challenge is appealing to me, because it is more fun (at least for now it is). "

That's your answer, really. If you really want the "upper hand", then you have to play games, be a challenge, be unobtainable a lot. Have your own interesting life (which you should anyway) and don't drop everything for a chance to be with him - refuse him when you have other things to do. Don't answer every call he makes to you, even if you see it right in front of you - let it go to voice mail sometimes and get back to him later.

Now the question is, do you really want a relationship where you have to play games and have the upper hand? I don't know if you're married or single. If you're single, why waste your time on an R that will be nothing but fun and games? Why not wait for something "real" and someone you can be yourself with - which includes NOT playing games?

Because he's going "back and forth" and feeling guilt, this is bound to be a roller coaster ride with HIM having the upper hand and you being quite miserable, if you start falling for him...

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 10:38am

Lexione,


You make a good point about him automatically having an advantage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:33am
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Edited 3/30/2010 12:56 pm ET by suerank
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 2:13pm

I agree 100% with andalinka's advice. She's right on. Happened to me in the same manner. Thought it was just going to be light and fun with no strings or expectations. We're both Type A's and both liked the feeling of being in control. Then, I slipped. I started to like him. I started getting frustrated and angry when I didn't hear from him. I started losing my upper hand. So this Monday, I quit. No winners, no losers, but the game is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 5:19am

Oh, there is definitely a consensus here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:48am

No, I would not have taken the plunge if I knew how much pain it was going to cause.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:49am
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Edited 3/30/2010 12:56 pm ET by suerank
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 10:19am

I think you need to dump him and find an AP that better matches you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 10:15pm

I have to agree with Nevereasy. If you are willing or determined to have an A, find someone that you dont' have to play games with.


When I read your title It made me wonder: "who is in charge in my A?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 8:04am
The person who cares the least always has the upper hand. ... just something to think about.

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