"Even the fact that he is a challenge is appealing to me, because it is more fun (at least for now it is). "
That's your answer, really. If you really want the "upper hand", then you have to play games, be a challenge, be unobtainable a lot. Have your own interesting life (which you should anyway) and don't drop everything for a chance to be with him - refuse him when you have other things to do. Don't answer every call he makes to you, even if you see it right in front of you - let it go to voice mail sometimes and get back to him later.
Now the question is, do you really want a relationship where you have to play games and have the upper hand? I don't know if you're married or single. If you're single, why waste your time on an R that will be nothing but fun and games? Why not wait for something "real" and someone you can be yourself with - which includes NOT playing games?
Because he's going "back and forth" and feeling guilt, this is bound to be a roller coaster ride with HIM having the upper hand and you being quite miserable, if you start falling for him...
I agree 100% with andalinka's advice. She's right on. Happened to me in the same manner. Thought it was just going to be light and fun with no strings or expectations. We're both Type A's and both liked the feeling of being in control. Then, I slipped. I started to like him. I started getting frustrated and angry when I didn't hear from him. I started losing my upper hand. So this Monday, I quit. No winners, no losers, but the game is over.
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"Even the fact that he is a challenge is appealing to me, because it is more fun (at least for now it is). "
That's your answer, really. If you really want the "upper hand", then you have to play games, be a challenge, be unobtainable a lot. Have your own interesting life (which you should anyway) and don't drop everything for a chance to be with him - refuse him when you have other things to do. Don't answer every call he makes to you, even if you see it right in front of you - let it go to voice mail sometimes and get back to him later.
Now the question is, do you really want a relationship where you have to play games and have the upper hand? I don't know if you're married or single. If you're single, why waste your time on an R that will be nothing but fun and games? Why not wait for something "real" and someone you can be yourself with - which includes NOT playing games?
Because he's going "back and forth" and feeling guilt, this is bound to be a roller coaster ride with HIM having the upper hand and you being quite miserable, if you start falling for him...
You've got a lot of choices. I
Lexione,
You make a good point about him automatically having an advantage.
Edited 3/30/2010 12:56 pm ET by suerank
I agree 100% with andalinka's advice. She's right on. Happened to me in the same manner. Thought it was just going to be light and fun with no strings or expectations. We're both Type A's and both liked the feeling of being in control. Then, I slipped. I started to like him. I started getting frustrated and angry when I didn't hear from him. I started losing my upper hand. So this Monday, I quit. No winners, no losers, but the game is over.
Oh, there is definitely a consensus here.
No, I would not have taken the plunge if I knew how much pain it was going to cause.
Edited 3/30/2010 12:56 pm ET by suerank
I think you need to dump him and find an AP that better matches you.
I have to agree with Nevereasy. If you are willing or determined to have an A, find someone that you dont' have to play games with.
When I read your title It made me wonder: "who is in charge in my A?"
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