How do I tell DH that I'm going?
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How do I tell DH that I'm going?
| Sat, 06-12-2010 - 10:47am |
Thanks to all who helped with my fuzzy thinking post. If you read that you know that I want to leave, but I don't have a concrete "reason."
Edited 6/14/2010 1:38 pm ET by weagle87
Edited 6/14/2010 1:38 pm ET by weagle87

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Nothing works better than being direct-- no beating around the bush.It is not easy when the spouse is trying to make it better but you gotta be firm and stick to your decision.Tough decisions are always tough to make.
Magic words are - be direct,honest and firm.
Edited 6/14/2010 1:39 pm ET by weagle87
I feel your pain; since H and I supposedly decided we'd separate as soon as I got a job, he's been trying really hard to be everything he thinks I want him to be.
anotherseyes
As long as you are leaving for you, because your M makes you so miserable that even if there were no AP, and never would be again, that being alone is preferable than being in the M, then you can honestly say that you need to leave.
One of the hardest things I had to do was tell XH that I didn't want to try anymore. I had already broken up with XAP because I wanted to be sure I gave my M everything I had and that he was not influencing the outcome. Within weeks I was sure that my M was over.
It's not easy, that's for sure, and you will feel guilty, sad, maybe even feel like you should go back. But ultimately, like the other posters said, it allows your H to move on and find someone who is crazy about him. We all deserve that. Don't let your H guilt you into staying. If you've done everything you could, and it is still awful and unbearable..you can do it.
Yes, I was ready to go a year ago (got dog instead), five months ago (had spring break instead), and three months ago, right before I met AP, and about one month ago (before AP convinced me to do the family vacation thing for the girls). I've never been on my own. Always lived with extreme judgmentalism, from family first then from H. Therapist knows I'm ready to go. Kinda think I will upset AP when I go b/c he knows how much hurt divorce causes. But he wasn't married that long; maybe he doesn't know how much hurt marriage can cause.
The renewed attentiveness is troubling, but really - do I really think that it's genuine? It's grasping at straws. I will get that lawyer. I will call my friend who will let me stay with her till I find an apartment.
Long time ago, I had DD problems and ivillage was so helpful. Y'all are wonderful. Thanks.
Edited 6/14/2010 1:40 pm ET by weagle87
Edited 6/13/2010 7:42 am ET by discreetboston
In regards to the book "When Good People Have Affairs"...the author (Mira Kirshenbaum) also
I think you should just be honest & truthful tell him you have never loved him at all , now you are dumping him & you have met an amazing partner who you love madly .
Let him know how he stands nowhere in sex & passion as compared to your lover & how your husband's touch gives you creep .
Try to be as blatant , insulting & hurtful as you can . Trust me that will be good for both of you . That way he wouldn't have the courage to bother you for reconsidering your decison . And honestly you know you wouldn't be lying to him if you say above things . And dont tell me you really dont want to hurt him , you have alreday done that so just be honest about that .
Btw I dont mean to sound rude but from your posts your husband sounds like a loser . why I am saying that ? Because only a loser can get cheated on & then get dumped by his wife ?
Take care
Best of luck
Well, that wasn't very helpful...
Only a loser can get cheated on and then dumped?? Come on now, are you just trying to stir the pot?
Trying to be as insulting and hurtful as you can is not something I would recommend. If I weren't cl I would "ignore" your posts so I wouldn't see them. Because I have a responsibility to see everything, I won't do that, but I will "ignore" simply by not responding from now on.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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