How do I tell DH that I'm going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
How do I tell DH that I'm going?
28
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 10:47am
Thanks to all who helped with my fuzzy thinking post. If you read that you know that I want to leave, but I don't have a concrete "reason."


Edited 6/14/2010 1:38 pm ET by weagle87
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 12:48pm

H not a loser at at all. I will not try to hurt him as much as possible. I will try to be gentle. And he doesn't need to know about AP, who I don't love madly (but have have a lot passion and possible love for - big difference btw that and madly). AP not reason for leaving. It's time to go.

I need to do this today, actually, and I am scared to death. I guess it's the thing to do now. Wish me luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 1:39pm

I do not post much, but I do come back and read and check in and will post if I think I can be helpful. I'm not sure I can add much to what any of the other posters have said.

If you are sure that you are doing what is best for you, which it seems like you are, then you need to just tell him that you are done and that you need to do this for you, but you are not leaving your children. I'd plan it out and even write it down and rehearse what I plan on saying, and prepare myself for how I will handle the various ways it could play out.

At, least, that will be my plan if I get to that point with my own marriage. Right now I am preparing myself financially so that I will be in a better place to handle this without needing to rely on other people. My H is not good with money, and this has been a big source of tension between us for a long time, among other things.

Best of luck to you.

MAM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 1:48pm
Good luck...hope it goes as well as that can. I know it's HARD...hang in there. (HUG)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 1:59pm

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 2:37pm


ok so he doesn't need to know about AP ,so that he is kept in dark forever about something he has every right to know & most importantly so that your image remains clean ?

And you wouldn't like to hurt him as much as possible & try to be gentle ? why ? Dont tell me because you really care for him and at the same time have no problem cheating on him .


Anyways I really wish you luck .

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 4:18pm

Thank you all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 5:16pm

Dear weagle-

Your line you got a dog instead--omg i know that feeling i ended up with a kitten--OK I can see that you are torn and reaching out for some advice here and I think you got some good advice.

I wasn't so Nobel...when my STBX drew a line in the sand and threatened to move me away or he was divorcing me (because of his control issues )I said I didn't want a divorce. Two months later I told him I was done, and I haven't looked back since. My marriage was long term and kids were grown and out of College--that made my decision easier.

Just remember once you have reached the point of no return you must remain FIRM and not give him false hope in any way shape or form. I have a dear friend who vacillated after asking for the divorce and her life has become a nightmare.

Make sure you know what you want then do it. Tell him you are unhappy....he will probably blame your Therapist like mine did--much better then having a D-Day. Get out before you get caught--that is what I did and I am happy and my kids are doing great and I know one day STBX will be happy...as he deserves to be.

Good luck and let us know how you make out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 6:32pm

Hi,


I don't post here often, but I do like to come here from time to time and see who can benefit from things that I have gone through or are living through and you seem to be one who I can relate to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 2:47am

"The renewed attentiveness is troubling, but really - do I really think that it's genuine?"


After pretty much deciding we would separate as soon as I can find a job, I've got the renewed attentiveness here, too.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 12:59pm

He does not have every right to know.

anotherseyes