How do I tell him??

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
How do I tell him??
2
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 7:21am
Here I am again after trying to sort out the mess I in but I have to admit I have once more failed. So I am coming back to you (I actually never left just didn’t post) and I am homing for some advise once more.

If you remember I met this guy through the internet (with a few complications) and then we met. He is from the US me from Europe.

We spend a week together (well not every minute and day) at the end of this week, he calls his wife and tells her that he loves me and there is no future for them.

For me that was all a bit quick which I told him too. Now he is back home, is still living with his wife until June, that is when the divorce will come through.

He will be waiting for me then…after much consideration I just don’t think I can leave everything here 8I have children to consider too) and just go and live with him – I don’t even know him properly.

Every phone call I get cramps in my stomach. I feel so bad about everything. There he is telling everything to his wife and now me wanting to tell him that I just can’t do it!!!

How would you approach the subject? I’ve tried believe me I have. I have told him that it’s not that easy, that we don’t even know each other that good but he says he loves me so much, he is so certain that everything will work out for his best he wants to be a good father to my children…

Please please help.

How can I make him understand that for me this step is just too big?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to:
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 7:39am
Is there some reason he can't come to you? Why is he expecting you to give up everything and move over there? I would say if he wants to be with you, he needs to buy a plane ticket and get his butt to the states and spend some time with you to see if you two do have a future together.
Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to:
Mon, 10-27-2003 - 8:20am
i agree, love is a two way street. I moved to europe not for love, but for me, and if i met someone from the states now i would expect us to decided where is the best for us, and our kids, ( yoú know if i had kids.. )

I think that it has all happened too fast, and maybe you are his ticket outta a bad marriage, but maybe he isn't your ticket to anything, but up-rooting your life and kids, for the hopes of a new fantastic life. This isn't the stone age, you aren't just going to have to be taken away, you have to want to go, and especially for your children do you want them to have a life in the states. Life is very different there. I don't know what country you are from, but know that the social system in most countries is brilliant, health care, education. Can you go on a virtual stranger's words, that your kids will be healthy, and get an education, like they could in europe???

Just think about it, june is long way off, and he should come to stay with you, for a few months to really get to know your kids. Sure anyone can say they will be a great dad, but what about his own kids, hasn't he made promises to them too.

You sound very smart, so just think it all through and don't give up your life for anyone..