how do you deal with the distance?
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how do you deal with the distance?
| Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:28pm |
I am a MW and i am seeing a MM in another state. we have been having our affair for close to a year now. both of us attended college together and had a fling (booty call) about 15 yrs ago. then after that we were never in touch. now for the past year we have been talking via IM and emails as well as meet up on 4 occasions to be physically intimate. We live far from each other and by plane it is a an hour and a half flight from where I live. It is so expensive and so few these visits. I always feel so sad when i leave him. I feel like we both have these deep feelings that we just try not to talk about. I am beyond frustrated. I miss him and want to see him more often. How do u deal with this and has anyone broken up due to the distance?

Hi Miles - Welcome to MAS:-) I am in a LDA with someone I met 10 months ago on a business trip. Our situation is a little different in that we don't have the shared history that you and your AP do.
He lives on the other side of the country from me...so flying to see each other is out of the question...or has been this year as he already had all of his vacation days planned, except for 2 which he used for me:-) Earlier in the year he was able to fly and meet me when I went on another business trip...and we had a great extended weekend together.
Since that time things have settled down between us considerably...this was my first A and in the beginning I had a hard time dealing with my feelings...guilt...where all of this fit in my life etc. I broke it off with him once after about 4 months...then got back in touch after a week of NC. I explained to him what I was feeling, and we were able to talk and come to some common ground on what this would be.
So...we now are in much more of an EA...he has become a really good friend to me...who supports me with so many issues and things that come up. Of course there is still the flirting and sex talk...but a lot of other talk about everyday life things and what is going on with us. He actually admitted a few weeks ago for the first time that he cares deeply for me...he is S by the way.
So...I don't really have any advice except to try to spell out your expectations with each other. For us what
sometimes we joke about how we never got to know each other back in school....we were so much younger and at different stages in life in college. he wasnt looking to settle down and i was looking for more. now it is as if we just dug up a treasure we didnt know existed. hard to explain but i am sure some of the people here understand. i truly dislike all the sneaking around and the fact that this is an AFFAIR. if we could leave our M we would.but as u know, it is a lot more complicated than that to just up and leave with children involved and marital assets etc.
my AP has told me if he could afford it, he wuld come see me whenever i wanted and that i bring balance to his life and for that he says his feelings for me run deep....i know he means it because in college he never showed this side of himself to me. i see him as someone who wouldnt say it if he didnt mean it.