How do you feel after time away w/spouse

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
How do you feel after time away w/spouse
2
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:38pm
I just came back from a long weekend with my H and some of our mutual friends. I went into the trip feeling extremely brave and excited about ending the marriage and being with the other person full time.

However, after a few days away with the H, from our normal routine, I found myself really fearful of making such a big decision and also more sad than I had been. After being back for a week and spending 3 days with the other person, those fearful feelings are starting to fade.

Have any of you experienced this? Or can anyone help me understand what this might be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:13pm
Although some people here would disagree with this but the reality is that an affair is not just brought by something missing in a relationship with a spouse but also by a personal void and stressful life situations. So lets say if you are generally compatible with your husband but he spends a lot of time away from you or the circumstances that you are in right now (examples being financial stresses, joblessness, job-related anxiety, infertility, in-law problems, child with needs, sickness, etc, etc) it can cause that relationship with your H to strain and an affair in such cases can become the escape from reality route. Once you are out of that stressful environment, the actual compatibility with your H has chances to shine through and I think that’s what happened when you went on that outing with your H. Some people involved in affairs are incompatible with their spouses, some are not. You need to analyze your particular life situation and need to figure out if there are factors other than your relationship with your H that are making you have an affair. If there are, you need to resolve those before you could say that it’s exactly your H that is making you have an affair.

IMHO

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:30pm
hey i actually agree with PG here! everyday stress works against any R and if it is constant, unrelenting stress you have no way to go but away from it and the M. and on top of all that, when you finally decide you're ready to leave and end the M, you get scared and a huge case of the "what ifs" -- what if i'm doing the wrong thing, what if i hate being alone, what if my children can't adjust...... and on and on.....

you, and only you, can analyze your M/R and figure out if it isn't right for you. if you're just bored and lost the spark, then work that out and read some good sex books or rent some videos. but if you know you're not in love or even love your H, or those some kind of abuse -- physical, emotional -- then you should make the break and work toward a happier life for yourself and set your H free to find a happier life too (although he may not see it that way when and if you actually end the M).

think about what you really need from a R to make you happiest. and whether or not you should stay with H to get that happiness or whether the OM will be the source of that happiness. and btw, you need to start from within yourself to be happy, not depend upon someone else (a man for instance) to make you happy. the right man just makes you happier!!

good luck,

life