How do you get your confidence back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
How do you get your confidence back?
12
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 1:20am

Now in all honesty this MAJOR loss of confidence happened the first time that AP, and I split up, and the second break up has only served to reinforce that lack of confidence.

It has effected me in every aspect of my life. My kids, my job, school is a big one. I use to make the Deans list every semester, now I am on academic probation. That's crazy.

The way that my career was going, I should at LEAST be a Lieutenant, possibly Captain, but I don't have the confidence to take the test. When I took the test, and interviewed for Sergeant I scored number 2 out of all the applicants. Were talking a hundred people at least. And here I am STILL just a Sergeant. I am so afraid of failure that most times I am afraid to try. I convince myself that the status quo is acceptable, but I know it's not.

I can see how much I have changed when I see my 18 yr. old daughter. She is so strong, aggressive, ambitious, and effective. All the things that I use to be. But it seems like I have lost my fight. The core part of me that made me, me.

I let people get away w/ chit that I would have NEVER let go before. It's weird I am not afraid of responding to calls, or getting into a fight, but if somebody butts in line in front me I won't say chit. Now my daughter, she would be like "Excuse me, but I think you're in the wrong place in line." Just what I would have done before I surrendered my heart to xAP. Sometimes, I think I have lost some of my daughter's respect. That hurts more than anything.

So my question to you my sisters (and brothers) is how do I get that back. Where did I go, and can I ever come back? I have some serious major changes to make, and yet I always seem to shy away from them. I am sick of my own bullsh*t, and I need you once again girls. You have never failed me before. That's why I love ya'll.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 4:30pm

Obxbell, you are SO sweet, and you always have such nice things to say to me. I don't think that you guys realize that my friendships on here have helped my self esteem. I don't recall my "regular" as opposed to you guys my "e" friends ever making me feel better about myself. My job doesn't really create an atmosphere that's conducive to warm fuzzy feelings.

I totally agree w/ you on several points. 1. They want us more if we have our own thing going, and they are not your universe. 2. Jon will go right back to the misery that he has been trying to escape, and realize what he did. 3. I really like the idea of convincing yourself that these changes are temporary IF I want them to be.

I can honestly say that I haven't been obsessing at all. I am just very, very sad, BUT I feel strong. I know myself, if I was going to cave, I think it would have happened already, or at least I would be white knuckling it trying not to call. But I am not having those problems. It's more like I'm grieving for what was. To be honest I'm not sure at this point that I would go back, even if he did the right thing. The fog is lifting, and I am beginning to see all the changes in me that I don't like, and I don't want to loose myself forever. I miss ME. It's kind of weird but I feel sort of empowered, but that's just today. Tomorrow, I might be a weepy mess, but at least I am not that way everyday. That's step in the right direction. Due in large part to all my wonderful friend here at MAS. I love you all!!

Thanks obxbell for your kind words, and good advise. Like a said before you are truly a pearl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 5:25pm
You know where else I could see you doing a bunch of good?
Carrrrrried...away2

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