How do you handle conflict in your A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
How do you handle conflict in your A?
4
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 1:42pm

My 2 1/2 year A is falling apart..or so it seems to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 2:01pm

Do we have the same ap? Evidently I forced the issue with mine (see my post below) and sending a text was the only way to reach him, although I felt it warranted a phone call. but the response I got was forcing the issue ... ? that I want to see him? what issue exactly? we couldn't be friends if i was going to force the issue. I am not happy and I guess that is his way of breaking up with me, but I feel so cheated out of not having any closure. I am sharing this because I don't think it will matter to your ap how you tell him. but I would tell him and certainly tell him of your depression in it. I don' t know how people seperate the physical from emotional. It is so intertwined for me and why it is so hard to let it go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 9:55pm

Hugs Gray, im sorry that you are hurting right now.

I feel that maybe your A has run its course and it might be time to let go. When you are feeling so much more pain and sorrow than happiness, thats when its time to break free. An A is supposed to fill a need and sometimes it can mean 6 months, sometimes years, but inevitably they all end. I have seen that some can end with AP getting a D and being with the OW but if i remember correct, you are happy that he is not with you permanantly?

Take stock of your own needs and emotions as AP is not. You dont need the added stress of pussyfooting around him while he is not working The whole R is built around the sneaking and hiding, and having to hide what you feel for the sake of not being berated by him is unfair. He is supposed to be your outlet and now hes shutting you down.

IMO give him some room, take care of yourself and get back to doing your own thing for a little while. maybe the job prospects will turn around and he will be more attentive, but at this time, he seems to be into himself and ignoring your needs.

I hope things get better soon for you.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 10:31pm
Conflict is tough. In your situation I would give him some space. Stress can really change some people. AP told me he was having a hard time with my issues. I was having a stressful time. He was there for me but backed off a lil. It made me realize tho if I didn't get it together I knew it would make things tense between us. AP and I are good friends tho. Im there for my friends but sometimes when they are really stressed out I do back away a lil. Soo I changed how I was handling things. Im glad I did. With that said I was glad AP told me. I suggest sending him an email telling him. You'll know how he truly feels on his actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 9:39am

Thanks for the responses..lots of wisdom on theseoards! I did send him an email.