How do you handle a Long Distance Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
How do you handle a Long Distance Affair
3
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 2:06pm
We live about 275 miles apart with a large metropolitan area between us. We see each other as often as we can, but I've never seen my love when he isn't tired, and thinking of the long drive home in the back of his mind. It is more difficult for me to get away. We are both married.

I've been wracking my brain trying to find excuses and alibis to get near to where he is, but unlike him, I really have no reason to go near to where he lives, and haven't made a habit of going off places. If I'd have known I would fall in love, I would have done things differently. :)

Being so far away breaks my heart, and I think that it will be the reason, eventually, why this ends-just logistics!!

So, how do you do it without going crazy?? Any ideas, tips, stories?

Legs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 3:41pm
Hi legs

I remember you…you met up with an old love a few months back. Right? How are things going?

MM and I are both married as well, and he also lives a good distance from where I am. It’s very difficult, I know. We usually only manage to see each other once a month -- maybe twice if our schedules permit. But distance, and work, and family ‘things’ make it difficult to see each other, and when we do, it often has to be rushed; we usually can only spend no more than a few hours together. He has said many times how he feels terrible about our time being so limited. I certainly don’t like it either -- so I know how you feel. It’s so difficult when you have so many things working against you -- and logistics can be a BIG problem.

Do you two meet half way? Or does he do all the driving? That helps us.

It may also be time to take up a new hobby, and this may sound ridiculous, but even take a simple class (art, or something SIMPLE you may find of interest) at a local community college. I have been in and out of grad school for years now and I always have a reason to leave the house -- the library. Most libraries are open quite early to quite late. I have been running out of the house at all hours of the night for so long now that my H doesn’t even bat an eye when I leave. I guess that may be a bit extreme (and maybe a little costly) but you never need an alibi! Maybe someone else can give you some less excessive ideas…that’s all I can think of!

Good luck

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 3:56pm
Yes, that's me, Charlotte. Old friend from HS, dated briefly in college, reunited from HS website after 38 years. More in love than I thought possible.

We've only been together 4 times since July 29, and he has found reasons to be here. Meeting him halfway would put us in a huge city, with no place to go. I would certainly be willing to drive farther, but then comes the figuring out excuses and alibis. Naturally, my H is not travelling as much as he used to.

Would love to hear more ideas from anybody.

Legs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Sun, 11-02-2003 - 4:25pm
Glad to hear things are working out (as best as they can).

Meeting half way in a big city is exactly what we do most of the time. Get a motel and pay cash. The trick is not to stay somewhere too posh or too well known because they will sometimes send little notes/postcards out after your stay thanking you, etc. Smaller motels will not do anything of the kind -- they are also well aware of what goes on in their establishments. It's realy no big deal.

Some people say it makes them feel cheap. I like it -- it's our time. Completely alone with no distractions. Being in a big city is also perfect -- no one pays any attention to who you are or what you are doing. That may be your answer if you have enough nerve to try it. Do a little search on the web for motels in 'your' city!

Again, good luck.

Charlotte