How do you keep it secret?
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| Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:13am |
I'm pretty new here but so glad I found you all! It helps to know I'm not alone.
After much thought and soul-searching, I have decided to pursue an A with a MM. It was not an easy decision. I dearly love my H but feel, for many reasons, that this is something I need and want to do. However, I am terrified of getting caught. My H means the world to me and I can't stand the thought of him getting hurt.
So my question, especially to those who have been in their A for awhile, is what tricks or ground rules do you have in order to keep it a secret?
Some of the ground rules we've decided on are:
1. Nothing in writing, including e-mails (although we do IM each other every day)
2. No gifts, cards, etc.
3. As few calls to each other's cell phones as possible
4. We pay for lunch separately in case the receipt is found
5. No playing "footsie" or holding hands under the table when the four of us are together (although this one is very difficult for both of us to adhere to for some reason)
Probably the riskiest thing we do is meet for lunch on a regular basis. I have no idea what I would say if someone saw us together. Of course, we'll probably also meet at hotels when the opportunity presents itself, and I'm not sure the best way to do that without leaving a paper trail.
Just asking this question makes me feel guilty. I can live with the guilt as long as my H and his W don't have to pay the consequences for it. So any help you can give me is greatly appreciated!
Thanks,
Jess

The best way to avoid getting caught is to always be prepared to get caught. If you are meeting for lunch, or out on the town...have a reason ready for anyone who asks. Whether you run into your husband himself or the kid from the video store. Hotels can be paid for in cash..no paper trail there.
I hope I helped. Good luck!
And "privatelife," I totally agree with what you said about telling NO ONE. The more people who know, the more likely you are to be found out. And you're right about having a story ready in case we run into anyone we know while we're out together. I'm not very good about thinking on my feet in situations like that so I need to come up with something plausible so I don't HAVE to think on my feet.
Thank you again everyone!