How do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
How do you know?
10
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 8:38am
I have been involved with OM in the A for about 4 months now. Before that we were good friends. Now, I find myself having strong feelings for him beyond friendship. I would even venture to call those feelings love. My dilemma is that OM has this thing where he feels the need to remind me constantly that we are "just friends". I have told him that I know, and yet he still insists on bringing it up in every conversation. I am confused because I don't know if he is doing this to remind me, or to convince himself.

Also, how do you know if the OM truly has feelings for you? My OM calls/e-mails/text messages me at least 10 times a day. His voice softens when he answers the phone and it's me. He worries about me if I have a bad day or am not feeling well. He tries to make me laugh when he knows I am down. He has told me in the past that he feels almost "too comfortable" with me, and that it scares him, and that he looks forward to our time together. He also said he misses me when we are apart. Does he have feelings for me beyond "just friends"? How can I tell without coming out and asking him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 8:54am

Hi icirce.

Hot

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 8:59am
Thanks Hot! I think I will ask him next time and see what his response is...I just feel insecure about it, I guess, that I have allowed myself to develop feelings beyond just friends, and I wonder if he has too. I can totally relate to what you wrote about "he wants me to think that this is a sex only A", in my case, OM wants me to think it's just a "friends with benefits" A.

I guess I'll have to call him out on it next time he brings it up! :) Thanks again!

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: icirce21
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 1:20pm
From the conversation exchange, e-mails, encounters, etc you have described, from my view point OM is looking at you as way more than a just a "friend." I have several women friends. But do I e-mail them 10 times a day, make-out with them, call them when they need someone or I need them? Do I share my whole life with them? I don't think so. THAT is reserved for MW, and she is wayyyy more than "just a friend." I think about her constantly. I do all those things for her that you have described and a lot more. Your guy is in denial. Believe me, you would not be getting this kind of response out of him if he wasn't thinking about you a lot. I hope for your sake that soon he will realize what is going on and enjoy it for what it is.

I know the odds are not good here. Someone else here (Julietsfate or geek_chic or whoever) eluded to this once; but what do you do when you find out the person who you were just physically interested in is way more than that? That they truely are that someone special you may never found until now? Turn your back and walk away? No, I don't think so. Life is too short. I hope it works out for the best, for all of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 6:21pm
Lostvoyage - thanks so much for taking the time to respond. The male perspective is always great to have! I hope that you are right and that he is in denial over all of this "just friends" stuff. I don't bring it up or talk about it, because it kind of upsets me when he keeps insisting on the "just friends" since I do have feelings for him. Your MW is very lucky that she has you to be there for her. I know what you mean about thinking about the other person. I think about OM a lot, and I can only hope that he thinks about me too. I guess the e-mails/calls are a sign that he does...Thanks again for your kind words of support!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: icirce21
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 8:27pm
No problem. Your OM said he was scared. I told MW the same thing. It's scary because we are too much alike. It's scarey because no one wants to surrender and admit they're falling in love yet all the signs are there. MW is kinda quiet w/regard to that and I haven't said too much either. But when I look into her eyes, they say it all.

You know what's going on here, so does he. You haven't thrown out the L word yet have you? I guess everyone looks at that a little differently but OM may not be quite ready to hear that yet. It's kinda like a nuclear weapon. You don't use it unless the situation mandates it, so you may want to stop just short of that for now even though you may feel that way. I think if you give this time, you'll get your chance to drop it, or it may get dropped on you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 11:08am
I have the same question regarding ' how do you know'... my MM ( I am M as well) email like crazy and hang around each other at our kids' events. We have gotten together twice and with a kiss the second time. However, today for example- he has not emailed at all. And I am hurt. I don't know whether to email to start conversation or not. I am the aggressive one in this thing but wonder what he feels for me. Since he has not emailed today, I feel hurt and rejected. But if we are just 'friends' I should not feel that way, right??? Read my posts and that will tell you my story...

Let me know how you find out from you OM IF you are just friends, etc... I could use some advice.

V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
In reply to: icirce21
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:06pm
Well my opinion on this subject is OM does have more feelings for you than he is letting on. His actions are speaking louder than his words.Maybe he wants to think that yall are just friends with benefits but the honest truth is he is falling for you and he might be scared b/c he was probably in the comfort zone of just being friends with you but his emailing, calling just to see how you are doing is more than just friends. I have realized that even though i just found out my MM loves me things are alot different now in our relationship, i dont see him as much as i used to like i did before i knew he loved me so it is changing us and the relationship. Just be happy that he does those sweet little things for you because my MM doesnt even bother doing them anymore like he did in the beginning and i miss it. I wish i could just take a frying pan and knock some sense into him but i dont think that would help either. Like i said enjoy it because for me i feel it's ending before it has even gotten started if that makes any sense. keep us posted and we are here for you whenever you need us. Sounds like he is a awesome guy to take time out of his busy life and see how you are doing, that's what i call true love. have a nice day
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 3:53pm
Thanks Georgiapeach!

Today he e-mailed me at work about 4 or 5 times, mostly work/b.s. stuff, and to tell me he was meeting his brother after work for some wings and beer. He hasn't called or text messaged yet today though, which is kind of odd...I'm overanalyzing things now, I think! lol I think I'm going to just back off a bit and see what he does. I'll let him call me. Usually he does by now, but who knows...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: icirce21
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 4:50pm
You are sending him signals that you are in love with him and he is trying to deny his feelings. My MM tried to deny his feelings. Over and over we called the relationship friends with benefits. He backed away for awhile but came back. You may need to leave the L word out and just let him think that you're friends with benefits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: icirce21
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 4:58pm
Thanks girlfromatl! I haven't said the L word yet, and haven't even hinted about it. I am afraid that it would definitely scare him off at this point, regardless of what he is feeling. I just posted about the aftermath of his surprise party. I think he is feeling guilt that his fiancee planned it for him, and was a bit more distant today than usual (no calls/text messages). I am going to just play it cool and see what happens.