How do you know if someone is interested

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
How do you know if someone is interested
18
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:20pm
I go to a local store fairly regularly, and there is a guy that works there who I am very attracted to. Sometimes I think he is interested, but other times I think I'm completely off base. The thing is, I'm probably about 15 years older than him (and I'm okay, but I'm no Demi Moore!), and I think he's seen me walking around town with my toddler and/or my husband. So any interest I think he might show is probably wishful thinking on my part, and I'm probably just imagining it. But the other morning he was (sitting) at a local coffee shop I sometimes go to (I sit to--it's not like I just get coffee and leave). I've never seen him there before, and (more wishful thinking) it's possible that he's seen me go in there some mornings, and if he *is* interested, he went there hoping I'd come in...But it didn't seem like he really looked up or anything when I came in. And certainly I'm way too shy (and would feel like too much of a fool) to start a conversation. He's pretty friendly when I go in to the store he works at, but it could just be polite friendliness--I wouldn't call it flirting...but sometimes I think he gives me this look, and I think he's pretty shy himself.

Anyway, could I be picking up on something from him, or am I totally nuts? Are there any signs or anything I can look for to help me figure it out?

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Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 11:45am
Dear Lilah,

Well i am already in a full blown affair. As full blown as it gets!! But, i am not married, i am single (well, seperated, soon to be single) and even though my MM is still officially fence sitting i am not so much of a Mo as to not see what that means....... not leaving (or at least, highly unlikely). So this thread has been more about my finding my confidence when it comes time to date, since i have hardly dated in my whole life, and also confidence to flirt.

It sounds like you regret your relationship unless i have mis read your post. i am so sorry to hear that. Mine is a true roller coaster, but i never regret it. Before, i didn't think i was worth being treated well, being spoiled. Now i know i am. My MM has given me a new "guy standard" and if i do end up dating again, i will be always thankful to him for that. No more bad marriages because i didn't realize how things should or could be. No regrets here :)

Good luck,

jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 12:08pm
same boat as you JEN-NAE!! LOL Loved Forrest Gump. I have no clue where to start if MM weren't in my life. I probably need some good dating lession and rules to learn if it ever comes to that. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 3:10pm
I had to jump in on this. There is a young man at our local gas station who had been giving me "the look", (He is very good looking, great hair, dark eyes, and a nice body) Now being in full swing of A already, I saw where he was heading-or he was hopeful-. I must admit that it was nice to be found attractive by a man 10 years my junior, but no way (even if I was not in an A) was I going down that path with someone so young. But I did find myself looking for reason to stop by, maybe I got a kick out of getting him tongue tied, or a thrill out of his inability to ring up my fuel purchase. But as time has passed he and I have become friends, he is in collage in the same computer field that I am, we like some of the same basketball and football teams, and we have a lot in common. We have for sure had some laughs together, but I know if I had given him just the right look he would have made a move. I was so flattered that he thought I was in my early 20's (he was only 10 years off).

I only have eyes for MM *sigh*

dayz

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 4:00pm
I don't really have a relationship. What I have is a friendship with someone I sometimes want so badly, I physically ache. And he wants me, but neither of us wants to cheat so we're at a stalemate. I have no regrets, really, and I guess I misread your post, but I would tell anyone who's at the beginning stages of an A to run far and fast in the other direction. It's just not a lifestyle for anyone. But if both you and this guy you're interested in are single, GO FOR IT. I thought you were married...

As for flirting and dating and confidence, as someone who recently lost a lot of weight I can say that there are a lot of cosmetic things you can do to build confidence. Buy clothes that show off your figure, color your hair, buy nice makeup... When you look good, you'll start getting noticed by men and that will help. But also I have to say that confidence comes from within. Stand up tall and proud and know that when you walk into a room, you're the most beautiful person in that room. MAKE them notice you. And definitely talk to that guy. If you see him at the coffee shop, walk up and say, "Hey, don't you work at ____?" (Whatever the store's name is.) You could do the passive thing and ask someone at the store if they know him and if they ask why, just say, "Just wondering." Chances are, they'll tell him you were asking about him...

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 4:08pm
UGH!!

This dating stuff is *too hard* (and i haven't even STARTED yet LOL!!!)

Yes.... i need dating tutoring, flirting help, "a life for dummies" book??

i am VERY thankful for my MM. He has changed me and my attitude and outlook in ways that i cannot even put into words. i want to marry him, i love him. But i have to be realistic. He has been married since i was 8!!!!!

Well, all i can say is,if i have to date and flirt, i will, but....... i don't know how it going to turn out LOL!!!!

Aw, JEN NAE needs help!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 11:41am
Just out of curiosity?? How old are you exactly?? How long were you married??

I love my H but sometimes I so wish that I was in your situation. Having to start dating again.

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 01-22-2004 - 1:43pm
Well sweety i am 28. i dated one man all through high school and the beginning of college. We broke up when i was 19 and i dated a little (mostly bad experiences) and i married at 21. i stayed married 'til i was 28 so i was married like 6 1/2 years. i did not leave my marriage FOR MM. Thank God. He did help me open my eyes a bit, but i left for me. i decided if i was alone and dating again, i'd rather go through that than stay in the marriage. My marriage was really very bad. i couldn't do it without the unconditional love and support of my MM. And there is a chance we'll end up together. but i can honestly say i do not doubt, regret, worry, or feel sad over leaving. That was the right choice no matter what. it was bad.

Anyway, i don't know how old you are, we have a "divorced under 30" board where people under 30 (DER!!!) hang out. it's a wonderful board. There is also a "should i stay or should i go" board here but i have never visited. Maybe that could help you.

If you are "thinking" about leaving, or wish you had the opportunity to date, that must say something pretty big about your M (in my humble opinion). Life is too short to be unhappy sweety. i am about THE MOST unindependent person you will *ever* find, and if i can be alone and even learn some from it, than anyone can. See that was my biggest hurdle. i went from living at home to being married. i have never lived alone or on my own and here i am for the first time. i kinda don't like it, but i can see it's something i really need to do (alone doesn't equal lonely and all that crap LOL).

Hence my dating and flirting problems. i have just not done much of it. i can flirt better than i can tell when people are flirting with me. i wait for the proverbial "love brick" we were joking about and i don't want to miss out on something because i am interacting with someone who can't or won't throw a love brick. And dating... where would we go? What would i wear? i am like the clueless wonder!! But... i am trying to think ++ about it and when the time comes, i will make myself go, and i WILL HAVE FUN GOD DAMN IT LOLOL!!!!!!

Ugh, sorry so long. More of JEN NAE's thoughts then you probably wanted to know LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 2:44pm
hey, JEN-NAE (I like saying your name with the Forrest Gump pronunciation out loud while I'm writing this)

Quickly, true confidence comes from having successful experiences, taking on risks and challenges and overcoming some life obstacles. I guess that comes somewhat in time. Someone mentioned earlier about losing weight, dressing better, et al and that's a very good start.

I agree with the part about falling in love with someone on-line in an affair support message boards.

=)

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