How do you know when to call it quits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
How do you know when to call it quits?
15
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 6:17pm

Hello, I have been seeing AP for going on 3yrs now and i've fallen deeply in love with him. He has said "I love you",but I dont know if he actually meant that he is in love with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:11am

I

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 5:47pm
you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:06pm

Maybe you're just going thru a down time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 1:05am

you end the affair when you want more out of a relationship and you can't get it. you sound like you are definitely ready to end it cause it is STRESSING YOU OUT. you are probably tired of the secrecy and all the inconvenience that comes with an extra marital relationship. My e.m.r.(the only one i ever had) made a transition to a full time relationship when he separated from his wife.

i ended it 4 years after the transition cause he was taking too long to file for his divorce and i couldn't wait any longer. i was with him for 6 years while he was married and four years while he was separated and i really couldn't wait any longer for him to file. was taking too long.

you are probably at the stage where you feel like you are wasting your time after 3 years. assess the situation and if you are stressed, have trouble trusting him and basically want more out of the relationship and he can't give it to you, then maybe it is time to move on.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 9:34am

you will realize it yourself when to call it quits.there is no time line, no certain set of rules.you can either continue or not,either deal with ups and downs or not.giving ultimatums can work either way.

some get stronger and closer after a Dday while some throw the other under the bus and call it quits and try to rebuild their M with the soulmate H/W ( this really cracks me up).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 2:28pm

A wise person in here once said: "When the negatives outweighs the positives it´s time to let go". Another said: "You have now reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self." If you are more unhappy than happy in the A, LEAVE ! Why stay in a R that makes you feel unhappy and frustrated ?

I found myself somewhere between the two ... and I have not regretted my decision of letting go... not once. XAP had problems respecting my decision and he did not make it easy for me, kept e-mailing, kept leaving messages on my voicemail if I didn´t answer his calls. He was my best friend for 17 + years and I had to block him from my e-mail and phones to get on with my life. It was the hardest thing I´ve ever done.


Edited 10/17/2009 2:33 pm ET by goddess_edwina
Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
Sun, 10-18-2009 - 7:37pm

Deandra affairs of the heart are full of ups and downs as all of us here on the board who are in A's know.

Goddess E is right--when the painful feelings (loneliness, uncertainty about your future etc) outweigh the good times shared then it is time to take a good long hard look at what you can and can't do.

It is never easy to say goodbye but it can be done. And you will know when.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 1:12am
"When the negatives outweighs the positives it´s time to let go". THIS IS A TRUE STATEMENT. Absolutely true. We all need to remember that. whether you are in a relationship full-time or marriage or an affair, we all need to remember this.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 1:17am
I said something a while ago. i must add that even the wives need to take heed to this advice.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 7:06pm

Well I had emailed my

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