How do you make it through??
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How do you make it through??
| Fri, 12-26-2008 - 10:50am |
Hello! :)
It has been awhile since I have posted anything, but I am feeling a little stressed & in need of some advice please.
Well, my problem is that

Is your break due to a vacation with his family? Does he share with you the reasons why he is not happy with his W? I worked with my AP for two years..we no longer do..thankfully. But let me tell you that as time goes on this will suck the life right out of you. You will start to want more and when that happens he could easily pull away from you as mine has at times. If you two were truly in love you would find a way to combine your lives and make it work. If he is still taking family vactions the chances of that will be slim. Family always comes first to them.
I know how hard it is to have to see him every single day. But you must remember this A is not a true, real relationship. It's just not. It can't be until you are both free. Sometimes people do come into our lives for reasons we can't explain and then they leave our lives just as fast as they came into them. Do you see him outside of work? Or does he tell you he never has the time due to family obligations? I know the highs of going into work to see that man that makes you smile. That gives you that fix...I was there. But the truth is we don't truly know them. We may think we do..but we don't. Be careful. I don't want to tell you what to do. All I know is the heartache my A has caused me. And I wasn't looking for it.
Thanks! :)
No, it is not a family vacation.
You probably do feel a connection. I thought I did too. But as time moved on I came to my senses a bit. I'm not nearly out of the fog, yet. But you are in a dangerous place right now. The longer you stay in it..the more emotionally involved you become. You have to be realistic...right now his needs are being met. He has his wife & family and he has you on the side adoring him. Why would he want that to go away? But you need to think how much of yourself are you giving up in order to satisfy this connection?
I've tried to go NC many times and I was always sucked back in. Right now I'm 8 days NC..but my AP is with his family on vacation. I don't plan on contacting him or responding if he contacts me..but I don't trust myself just yet. I have to give it time. What I do know is I can no longer deal with the uncertainty and emotional turmoil this A has given me. It's simply no fun. People are in them for different reasons. Ask yourself why you are really here and what you are getting out of it. Really ask yourself that.
Time is so precious. Don't waste it on a fantasy.
I honestly dont know why I am where I am....I was SO happy in my marriage with my life.
CJ,
Hi.
Do you not see the irony in your posts?
Wow! I did not notice that until now.
CJ,
Hi.
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Well, I don't think I'd say that.
There will always be vacation periods. And if you want to survive in an A you need to accept and get used to the fact that you will not be able to be in touch every day. Your love needs to be strong enough to make it through periods of NC without going bonkers. You are not his number one. His family, wife and kids - (AND possibly work) are on top of his list. And until he leaves them for you.... that's how it's gonna be.
I'm in an LDA. It's d**n hard. And in the beginning not hearing from him in 2-3 days made me go completely gaga. This summer we had 3 weeks forced NC. It was horrible, but we got through it. It takes time to get used to, and in a way you never get (completely) used to it. I have a choice - to stick with it and accept it or let go.
How do you make it through ? Keep busy. Keep busy, keep busy. Work, work out, join a class... Find an interest that takes time. Post here ! Pour your feelings out in long e-mails drafts (that you of course never send as he will certainly think you ARE mad and dump you quicker than you can hit "send").
This is not directed to you, but every time I read post saying "I have not heard a word for 12 hours - waaaaahhh" (or two days, a week or whatever) I'm thinking "poor girl (or spoiled brat - depending on the post)...she just got on a roller coaster ride of extreme feelings, the ride has not even started yet and she's going bonkers, - she's in for the ride of her life....". And that's the honest truth. Like it or not. An A is one long roller coaster ride. The tops out of this world fantastic, the lows.... the lowest of lows. And then you have everything in between.....
The tops out of this world fantastic, the lows.... the lowest of lows. And then you have everything in between.....
Wow this sounds more like marriage to me!!
I've been married twice and that is exactly what being married is like...if you aren't dealing with the terrific highs...then you are in your head inthe miserable lows and then the total boredom that could kill you in between.