HOW do you move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
HOW do you move on?
9
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 4:03pm
My AP still hasn't called to talk about what I wanted to talk about weeks ago. I've seen him since and he hasn't mentioned it. I saw him and the wife the other day at a get together. I talked to her and totally ignored him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him glancing at me. I really want to talk to him. How do I get past that? I know I'm not going to be his last affair...he's probably looking for someone new right now. Any advice on how to just let go and move on?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sat, 10-31-2009 - 11:54pm

Hi Jilly,


I wish I had good advice for you. I would say to try NC. I know thats hard because I tried before. He sounds like he isnt willing to listen to what you need to say to him and that sucks on his part. I think that even though we are in A's there should be respect and a willingness to understand what each partner needs. I know it's not always the case but it should be. He doesnt deserve you.


I would try NC and see how that goes. Maybe try keeping busy to take your mind off him. That's hard too but it helps sometimes. I wish you all the best and I hope things go in your favor. Keep updating


Hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sun, 11-01-2009 - 1:37am

Sweetie, he's shown you so many times already he has no interest in having any kind of relationship with you, he is interested in sex only. At least he's been honest - it's actually easier this way because you don't have to second guess yourself and his motives.

You're moving on by grieving and letting him go. Nothing can heal broken heart but time - but you have to allow this time by staying NC or LC if there is no other choice.

Good luck, your xAP doesn't really seem worthy of much suffering.

Love and hugs,

GbG

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 1:38pm
Thanks you two....I appreciate that. He still hasn't called (although I have a feeling when he gets horny he will) or maybe he's already "on the prowl" for someone else. I think the thing that hurts the most is that he couldn't be honest about not wanting this affair any more. He kept telling me he didn't want any affair, then I find his ad on an affair dating site. I wish he had just had the "balls" to say...."I don't want an affair w/ you any more even if it is just for sex. I want to try(?) other women." But then again here I am trusting someone that lies to his wife....ironic, isn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 3:11pm

Hey Jil,


Hope you are feeling better? Any update?


I just wanted to to say that i agree with caribu in that just because we are in A's, it doesn't mean we should expect to be treated disrespectfully. I know a lot of people will disagree with me. BUT there IS a more respectful and decent way to end an A. A's aren't all that different from RL relationships in that the way a decent person would handle the ending of it is much different than the way an a*shole would end it. A or not.


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 8:22pm
I agree....there was one time when I wanted to "be w/ him" and he told me that he didn't want to do it anymore (the A), but if I wanted I could "please him orally" but hurry up because he had somewhere to go. I couldn't believe it....I told him that I understood this was a PA only, but I never, ever spoke to him like that. Part of me just wants to let it be and the other part of me wants to tell him to *bleep* off. (Sorry, just have to get it off my chest) I'm just mentally exhausted.....I don't even want my hubby around anymore. I just want to be alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 9:48pm
Ah yes, another gift of the A ... we don't even want our H, the man who is committed to us, around when AP pissed us off..

Sunshine


.

Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 2:12pm

one day at a time.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 9:31am
So I broke down yesterday and called AP. Got his VM and left a message. (Of course he didn't call back) Afterwards I was mad at myself for doing it. I'm not sure why I punish myself and keep thinking about him. You gals on here are 100% right....he's an a**hole and just isn't worth my time. I'm going to try and not call him anymore and just live day to day. That's all I can do right? I'm slowly deciding he's not good enough for me.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 9:53am

PLEASE, PLEASE do not call him.

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”