How does everyone handle........
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 09-22-2003 - 6:49pm |
Here's my problem though....I don't mind giving him space, sometimes I think I need it myself..but how do I deal with feeling like I'm just sitting here "waiting" on him to return to "normal" without feeling used at the same time? I've never really felt used or mistreated in our relationship, he's usually quite considerate but I still don't know what to do with the feelings I'm left with when he acts like this ....I can't help but feel like if I'm available for him when he "returns to normal" then...in reality, I'm at his beck and call and that in turn allows HIM to choose how to treat me.
If he's dealing with guilt, etc., there are times I also deal with guilt, feelings, etc., and I think I do so "without" his ever knowing it...(most of the time) I don't think I mistreat him in any way. I dunno, it's confusing and I just don't know what to do with it. I just know it doesn't feel right and I see everyone here writing about the exact same thing and I'm just wondering if anyone can give me any insight to this and how you all deal with it. Maybe I've just not experienced this enough to know whether it's normal or not, according to what everyone else writes..it is. I guess I'm just having problems dealing with my own feelings about the way he acts...or doesn't act would be more like it.

I don't even know if I'll be helping or just rambling on in some way. MM and I have never really had periods of NC or even a break... only those that relate to holidays an such... which I will have a week of NC from tomorrow due to school holiday and him spending time away with his family.
I saw him last week and everything was 'normal' as normal as can be for us... but since late last week and yesterday... he seems a little different and distant. I feel he's pulling back in a sense... but I feel that he's actually doing it for me. I have never discussed my feelings for MM with him... but he does know that I will miss him while he's not around... I've not a problem telling him that... so I think that he gently eases me into the NC by pulling back a little.
I have experience a few other times when he pulls back... I can just tell in his emails... this is sometimes work issues... or maybe a problem at home... an issue with his wife. For me... I tend to keep a regular contact and try to pretend that there is nothing wrong... just keep sending my usual emails... more often than not, if there is a problem... he will tell me... but I will never force the issue.
In the meantime for me... I just go about getting on with life... will do something to keep me busy... and with two kids and study... for me it's not that hard. If I find that he is really distant and I can't focus fully on what I'm doing... I tend to really focus in on the board or by doing something for him that I can surprise him with at a later time. In all honesty... the board has been my saviour... and while I don't put a lot of my feelings and problems up... I tend to focus in on others and hope that my experience may help in some way.
It really is about getting your mind away from MM... and onto something that will keep you busy.
As I said... not sure if I've helped... or just rambled... the NC week with MM has got me all out of it... while I'm happy he's getting a break and time with his kids... I will just miss our email banter... but I've got assignments and hopefully enough to keep me busy... it is only a week afterall.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
PR
Anyways, I thought we were all over this cause we ended on a VERY positive note Thursday, then he said he'd probably not be able to talk to me the next day, but he wanted me to come see him after work. I didn't go, cause after not hearing from him all day, I didn't feel like being used...I mean really. So, he was off all weekend and he ALWAYS calls on mondays, but not today...just texted me a stupid @ss message that I didn't respond to...I just know he's pulling back, didn't mean to go into all that though.
I just don't know if I can handle it or not anymore. It's not that I'm unhappy, it's just that I'm confused. I'm not sure if I "want" to be there when he decides he's available to me, ya know? I mean...I have feelings too. I know this relationship is UNLIKE any I've been in and I can't compare it to a regular one but it altogether sucks how things work out sometimes.
PR
It's hard, I know. Although you and your MM seem to have a MUCH closer relationship than the one I am involved in (which in some ways probably makes it even harder for you). I know what you mean about not wanting to ALWAYS be availabe. My MM pulls back at times, and I'm still not sure how to handle it. I usually pull back too in response. Of course, I also try to understand and be patient, as I now know it comes with the territory. But it is still VERY hard. Reading Sweet's post doesn't give me much hope that I will be able to handle it better in the future. I'm not helping, am I ?!
I also try to take the time to think things through when he pulls away. I use the time to make sure that *I* still want to be involved. And I usually do!! Jesus, I never though an EMA would be such a soul searching experience! Be positive...let us know what happens!
C
PR
Glad I could make you laugh! I have been feeling very similiar to you lately. I just don't know. Remember...let us know what happens!
C