How does a man avoid getting caught

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
How does a man avoid getting caught
12
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:03am
A little while ago someone wrote "I'm smart enough not to get caught". It was dawning on me over the weekend that I'm NOT that smart. Heck, the mess my personal life is in should be proof enough! ;)

Anyway, women have that sixth sense (or so I'm told). Have any of you women caught your guys in A's? And if so, what was the give away? I do a good job of covering my tracks (i.e appointments, clear computer cache, don't call from home, no panties in the gove box) but, the stuff I don't know how to avoid is her perfume, stray hairs, passenger car seat in the wrong position or that far away look in my eye! I'll bet there's a bunch more beyond that that I'm forgetting. And now I'm wondering if my wife doesn't know or just doesn't care. I'd be fine for the doesn't care!

Anyway, since women are sensitive to smells and "things" that are out of place, I'd be appreciative hints along that lines.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:48am
When I knew I was meeting xMM - I would not wear perfume that day! He appreciated that.

However, it works both ways. I would get home, and I could smell him all over me (which I loved) and always wondered if anyone else could as well.

As for the stray hairs, I never even thought of that!!!

Another thing, and this doesn't happen to everyone (I'm told), but my xMM's W asked him if he was having an A - because his guilt was getting to him in their bedroom (if you know what I mean). Also, because I seem to be so "experienced" in this area (LOL), I was also my H's OW - and his W at the time, knew something was going on, because his bedroom habits changed as well (for instance, what he wore to bed, instead of not wearing).

The far away look in the eye - can't help you on that one - it's been 3 weeks since me and xMM "broke" up and I still have it. If you are called on it, maybe you could explain it away, with "lot of my mind with work" or something - but that is something you should be careful about.

I'd say, as hard as it is, try not the change anything you normally do at home. If you are touchy, feely with W - then you better continue to be so. Try not to become impatient or testy (this was a problem I had) with those you live with just because they are interrupting your thoughts about OP.

I don't know if this helps, but they are just my thoughts.

Take care

Red

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:14am
I never wear perfume either when I know I am going to be with MM. My hair color is similare to hers so I don't think that would be a problem. I am used to having to cover my tracks because I usually bring the extra curricular things - toys, special panties,ect- but since he isn't used to that he isnt' always carefull. I went over to his house once and he had an x rated dvd in his computer. We didn't waste a lot of time watching it and we left that room.. He forgot to take it out and he came in over the weekend and found his 14 y/o son and his friend watching it!

Also he has this great smelling cologne and once I was on my stomach with him on top our cheeks pressed against each other. Later on that night my DH kissed me on the same cheek and just stopped for a sec and sniffed it. He never said anything but I thought "OMG I wonder if he was thinking anything."



PLEASE cover your tracks!

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:15am
Yeah, okay, I'll confess the smart little snake that I am. LOL. Anyone who thought I was a swell guy might want to skip this, as it makes me sound pretty bad, I think.

Need to make sure that the OW/MW you're in an A with doesn't want you to get caught. If she won't help... you might as well confess now. My OW doesn't touch the seat on the rare time she's in the car, and doesn't wear perfume if she's going to see me.

First hint: for every situation preplan a response so you don't have to say, "What?" to get time to think.

Second: don't deliberately look the person you're lying to in the eyes any more than usual. It's a big tell to suddenly get eye contact when you don't always stare to converse. The old theory that people have trouble looking you in the eye to lie to you is a complete load of crap, and lots of people know that now.

Stray hairs - depending on your job, family, etc. lunch with coworkers is a good cover. Also covers movement of the seat. I take clients to lunch as well as coworkers; there's always stray hairs. Not to mention, I seem to get hugged a lot in my line of work. But I have had strands pulled off me and checked. LOL. If possible, pick a EMA with same hair color and length (HA! I guess I just got lucky on that one.)

Computers - clear the cache. Don't access your email from an email program that lives on your PC like Outlook, access it from a webmail server that can be closed with one click and leaves nothing behind but a note in the history file. That one entry can be erased or you can clear the entire history (though single entry erasures are not suspicious to snooping spouses; if you spent 3 hours on the net and there are no history entries because you cleared them, they will be suspicious in the extreme.) If you absolutely have to save something from the A, create a subdirectory in a rarely used directory and change the properties to hide it, you can always find it later.

Cells & Phones - rename the A's entry in your phone book to someone you don't want to answer calls from but would obviously have in your book (I use my brother, lol) so if it flashes while the spouse is in the car, you can ignore it without raising questions. Of course, if it happens about twice, you'll want to change the entry name. As for moving from the last called list... well, keep your phone out of other peoples' hands. LOL. And have your cell bill auto-paid from a card or account only you access, or at minimum eliminate the paper bill (most cell companies let you do this) so it just gets paid without a call list.

Getting out of the house alone - I started creating reasons fairly minor to be out of the house, then I'd call the W every third or fourth one and ask if she wanted to meet me for food or wanted something. Then when I didn't call it wasn't really suspicious, it was just a time I didn't call. Also, she'd try to call my cell and I wouldn't answer sometimes (cuz I was busy, wink, wink) and she'd kind of flip. I'd give her a reason (forgot the phone in the car, my battery keeps slipping out and shutting the phone off without me noticing, etc.) She didn't buy it at first, but a very few times doing the same thing in front of her (forgetting the phone, etc.) and it became more believable.

Women absolutely have a sixth sense. My W has suspected, but is completely without evidence. That being said, I always expect to be caught. It's just the nature of things. The longer you go on with an A, the more your chances of being caught increase.

good luck

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:18am
deedee, I just love your posts. They are always so "vivid" and I just feel like I'm there. I'm hiding in the closet and blushing, but definitely there...

rain

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:26am
LOL Rain, I will take that as a compliment!

deedee

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:29am
OH and by the way the cheek to cheek thing was POST sex, we were relaxing and he kept kissing my cheek. Sweeet

deedeee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:05am
Thank you all for you help and advice! Rain, I gotta tell ya, I'm reading your post and get to the line "I seem to get hugged a lot in my line of work". Dude, I want a job like that!!! How tough is your life???? ;)

Seriously, the womans sixth sense part is a little concerning on one hand and on the other I sometimes think that I don't care if I get caught. I know I havn't really told my story yet, mostly because it depresses me to think about it. But, briefly (we are both 50)...my wife has gone from one esoteric/imaginary illness to another over the years. She had chronic fatigue syndrome for seven years followed by fibromylasia for another three. Now it's menopause for the last 10 years. I should also mention that she's had migraine headaches all of our marriage (go to the Emergency Room kind of pain and stuff). (And, all of this causes her to just lay around the house and do nothing.) Frankly, I think the source is childhood sexual abuse, but she's been to counsolers and they haven't helped, nor has any medication to help lift her mood and fix whatever the problem is. She opted out of the sexual part of our relationship many years ago. Frankly, she was never in the emotional part of the relationship. Unfortunately, I can't really kick her out. She has no marketable skills and would likely curl up and die. Yet, if she caught me in an "A" it might shock her into getting a life.

Now, enter a beautiful, exciting, filled with life woman and the best I can do is spend a little time every once in a while with her. Part of me says, "you're 50, just ride it out with this wife". The other part says "you're 50, you deserve a life!". There's also time's that I think I caused my wife to be so ill. Heck, she was fine when we met, but years of living with me have done nothing but made her sick. I know that's not true, but it's kind of feels that way.

So, there ya go. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!!

Bis

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:29am
Definatly ask the other women not to wear alot of perfume or any if you can stand that. If you must have perfume, well make sure you have access to a shower. My Gym is between the OW and home so I stop in, take a shower and then go home. I also have a different shirt I wear when I see the other women due to the hair factor and purfume. I just bury it in my gym bag (away from the gym clothes before the meeting and with my gym clothes after the meeting) Then during laundry, I will sneak the shirt in with the rest of the clothes.

They also have male body sprays. Have one handy.

Cell phones, paperless billing is the way to go, but if you want to take it a step further, use a prepaid calling card. Then no number goes on the bill.

I work on a computer here in the office, so I do most of my computer communication here. I use an alias email address for my mischivious deeds. My spouse can't check where I have been while at work and no I do not surf the porn sites at work because I'm sure IT checks that.

Having several activities away from the wife gives you many alibis. I'm natorious for going on "errands" before I had the affair, so it was easy to implement it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:40am
Hi Bis: Bunny here:


I agree with alot of the responces you have received. No perfume

or cologne or with my situation, makeup either. I or We then

do not have to worry about anything.

We never are in eithers cars either, to much can happen, like

ear rings, rings.etc. Do not need the hassle.

Makeup, especailly my situation, usually we see each other

after work. I just wash it off, and then put it back on,

have spare make up at work. Neither one of us have to worry,

we have enough to worry about, just seeing each other when

we can.

We women do have a 6th sense...and the eyes do tell all..

especially in the bedroom

Hope this helps, and thanks again for your helping me.

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 1:07am
well the only response to this post i have is when me and MM were still seeing each other, i would wear perfume but i would spray just a little of it on my body and clothing, yes i can relate about the stray hairs, i remember one time we were in his truck and i looked back for some reason and saw a strand of my hair on the seat where it got caught, i just removed it so he didnt see me and started chatting away. As in MM, everytime we would kiss goodbye, he would put on body spray, i guess so she couldnt smell my perfume. I always thought it was odd when MM did that but now i know, never put too much thought into it. So these are some things that we did to cover our tracks, oh and i always called MM with calling cards that way it would show the calling card number but she couldnt trace it back and he would always know it was me calling b/c od the long distance number on the caller id. Just some thoughts i remembered.

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