How does a SM know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
How does a SM know?
6
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 6:05pm
I have the opposite question of Legshakermaker. How do you let a SM know you are interested without weirding them out or the statement of "You're Married" comes out? I work with a single guy who clearly knows I am married, he has even commented on my wedding ring and how nice it is ect. Yet I have caught him staring at me, and he kind of flirts with me. So how do I let him know? without it freaking him out or seeming like I am some sort of wanton woman?


Any advice would help.

Thanks

~H~


Edited 5/21/2004 6:06 pm ET ET by missheatherfl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:10pm
HI:

Well I have been there......... I am a married woman and found a single guy at my work extremely attractive. He never really caught my eye until he started talking to me one day. It was small talk - for example - he said "we keep bumping into each other today" - he seemed interested but back-off-ish.........cause he knew.

I knew he thought I was attractive because when I started working there that department (all of about 6 people - all cute guys) were saying things about me.

It took me about 6 months of feeling him out and then I just went for it - through email. I told him he looked silly in his hat (he was wearing a Yankees hat when they won against the red sox ) and we live in red sox territory. It was a conversation starter. - I then said something like I wanted to say more but didn't want to "cross the line" - he then asked me what I meant by that and that is where it all started. Long story short I ended up meeting him in the gym at my work - with him very tempted but he backed down saying "you are married" and "you have kids" - He just couldnt bring himself to do it.

my advise to you would be - feel him out - do some harmless flirting watch for his responses. If you think they are positive then go for it. It took me awhile - because my SM was very back-off-ish but clearly flirting.

Hope this helped.....

*ME*

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 7:32am
I'm pondering the same scenario. I'm aching for this SM's attention that I've known for sometime. However, he assumes I'm off limits since I'm married. If he only knew how bad I want to get it on with him. LOL.

I completely ignore him most of the time and he stares and mildly flirts. I probably never will let be known to him and the thoughts are fleeting. They come and go. I usually go home and have sex with my H and forget all about it.

Needless to say, SM is hotter than hell!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 8:29am
Thank you...

Your stories sound so similar to mine. Sugary: I Have done the EXACT same thing! :) Except I really want to let him know! Maybe I should just throw all caution to the wind and go for it!

I love this message board! I love how I can talk about this and won't be judged. Thank you!


~H~

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 9:43am
To be honest I never was prepared or that motivated to start up something with a single guy in my office...HOWEVER... I did enjoy the flirting. There was this one field super that was like 25 years old and HOT. At first I didn't SEE him because he never came into the office but i talked with him on the phone all the time and he had a major sexy voice. Well I was dying to see what he looked like because the Project Mangaers would say he was their only preppy type super...the other I swear had beer bellies and were pretty rough looking. Well after all those times on the phone with him saying "helloooo D" and me saying "hi Chris...what can i DO for YOU?" you know the undertone things.. he came to the office. I nearly died he was so good looking, with the two tone blonde hair blue eyes and and earing. We introduced ourselves and I was real cool but I could see his eyes light up. Well everything went back to the usual only he would flirt a little more bolder and I would somewhat recipicate. He started coming to the office more (before it was once in six months then it became just about every other week). Finally one day we were all have lunch in the office and everyone was done he was still eating with this other hot guy from another state, and we talked about how old ou would like to be... he said 17 LOL I said 24 was a great year for me.... he said "You NEED to be 24!" I said why? He just started blushing and said "nothing!" Then the two of them did the old high five routine and I said .. "You chicken sh*t"!

Nothing ever happened between us , I left that job, but as far as I am concerned if I wanted to really take it further I think I could have. It is a slow dance and you have to be patient if that is what you really want. You will know if you flirt he flirts back and over time it gets more and more bold. But it takes time. I have never been one to assume someone is interested in me THAT way, so I guess it takes time for me because I make it that way

I have several stories like this... I've tried to be good and have succeeded somewhat until now!

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 10:32am
We should sit and have coffee. LOL. I have gotten extremely close to professing my feelings but so far I've been able to hold myself back. I got ripped apart on the All Sides of an Affair board for telling my story. I wasn't looking for someone to condone it but rather to find someone who can relate. The attraction can get overwhelming at times.

Do you think you will go for it? If so, how do you intend on going about showing him you want him? Are you certain he wants you and if he doesn't, could you handle the rejection and awkwardness that may ensue afterwards?

I guess that is one of the things that is holding me back is that I fear rejection. Plus, I don't know if I could handle the guilt. And I also asked myself if whether or not it would be worth losing my marriage over a roll in the hay with some hunk. I'm leaning more towards not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 1:06pm
I wish this thread was around before! Are you friends with SM? Are you willing to give that up if he's not interested? I have been in an emotional A with a SM who worked with me (we even shared the same office). There was always the underlying tone and the innuendos. When he left I decided to show him how I felt. It didn't go over too well. Although he said wanted to, he couldn't because I am married. I even tried again after the company party when we were out drinking. Same story. Mine just can't get passed the married part. It was really awkward for a while friendship wise. I felt as though he was pulling away and not there for me like he used to be. We go through periods of several weeks of NC. I think it is because I made the move, but he says it is just because he's busy and he doesn't feel right calling me at home. In the last few days, I feel we are slowly getting back to where we were.