How does your long-distance A work?
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How does your long-distance A work?
| Sat, 01-24-2009 - 6:15pm |
I was wondering how people in long-distance affairs handle things.
| Sat, 01-24-2009 - 6:15pm |
I was wondering how people in long-distance affairs handle things.
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Me and my AP live on opposite sides of the country.
Hi Gal - I read your post and thank you for answering. That's a tough thing he's asking you to do... make a sacrifice like that (moving) without him making any changes in return. If there is one thing that I have learned for myself over the years, is that an unmatched sacrifice does not feel good. When you make a change or sacrifice something for somebody you love and they don't appreciate it the way you expected them to, or things don't work out the way you expected... then you end up feeling all these negative feelings in the long run.
That is why I do not want to be in a LDA where I am the only one making sacrifices/plans/trips/etc. Like I said, right now mine is only an online EA, but we both feel like we were made for each other (he has told me that and I feel the same).
Hi Fantasy - Two D Days? What happened? How were you discovered? My AP and I will be having our first meeting soon, and I made sure that I was not the only one that had to do all the work. It will be a layover, so I'm flying, but he has to take off work the whole day and drive several hours to get to the airport to see me for 3 hours, then drive all the way back home. I'm just already wondering what the future will be like if this meeting goes as well as we both anticipate.
But we both have developed such strong feelings for each other, that I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for what is to come. Thank you so much for sharing.
Anybody else?
Hi Curious -
Well - I am no longer in a LDA - but I was at one time - so I'll jump in here too.
Hi Iggy - Thank you for your reply.
Hi curious,
Been in LDA for 9 mos. It is a wonderful loving rel. We talk or text 2-3 times a day. We see each other around once a month. Just flew to see her for five hours Sat and it was well worth it. We take turns visiting, it feels like we are both engaged in the rel if we do that. We each pay half the travel for the same reason. Advice would be there will be bumps in the road. But if you're driving a Mercedes the bumps won't be so bad lol. We love each other and will do anything to make it work. We hope to be together some day but only time will tell (both M). Good luck and stay in touch!
Amexdm
I've been in an LDA with my xbf (from 15 ears back) for a year now. Before that we were in regular contact via e-mail for 7 years. (He lived abroad). We are 594miles apart now (when he's at home)
1. How often do you see each other?
We planned to se eachother every 3-4-5 weeks when he was going to/coming back from abroad where he works. Well, it didn't quite turn out like that. It has been from 1,5 to 7 months between our "meets".
2. Do you take turns travelling, or does one of you always go to see the other?
He has been to my hometown once. We usually meet in a town "in between" our hometowns (which happens to be his transit town going abroad).
3. If you do not or cannot take turns, do you both contribute to the plane ticket/hotel?
I pay mine (he offered to pay it though, he pays his - and the hotel.
4. Any tips/advice/lessons learned that you would like to share with me to prepare me for what I'm getting into?
Prepare for bumpy roller coaster ride. When it's hard to find time and hard to arrange meetings it might not be as often as you wish. Meaning the time you do spend together will be very intense. There will always be down periods after. From pure magic/true bliss to desperate longing in a second. Every second you spend together will be ever so valuable.... you don't want to waste a singe one. Communication is more important when you can't see each other and talk all the time. No writing or talking can really replace "being together", but you need to learn to communicate .... And you have to learn to cope with NC. Even the best intentions.... You have to learn to live on a roller coaster....
It's really really hard being in an LDA. If I didn't love my AP like I do, - if he didn't really love me like he does, we wouldn't have lasted this long. We've had a semi d-day and long periods of NC due to his work and the holidays. We've been to hell and back but we're not willing to give up. A LDA is not something you're in just for the sex... far from it, but if we were it would be worth it.
I wish you good luck, you're gonna need it.
If you are the one flying out to meet him all the time, it's only fair that he skips in with half your fare....
Hi Curious -
Yes we did end up together and yes we are in the EXTREME minority - so I caution anyone that thinks well it happened with them - it could happen with us - well it's true - it COULD - but please - don't bank on it - because the opposite is much more likely - KWIM??
Anyway - let's see - we met online in October, 2005 - we met face to face the first time in December, 2005 - and he left his M for good November of 2006 - so all together - just over a year from our first chat to when he left for good.
Tiger et al.,
This conversation explains to me why hotel desk clerks always ask me if I want one key card or two, and then give me two even though I said "one."
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