How to get out? (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
How to get out? (long)
4
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:32pm
I don't know how to end this!! I recently broke-up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years - for reasons other than this affair - so now I'm single & seeing a married man - THAT I WORK WITH! We have been messing around for over 3 months now, and have been intimate only a couple of times. Since we've been messing around, I haven't had to see his wife or kids. Well his wife stopped by work today & it was a reality check I wasn't ready for. I know that I'm falling for him cause the jealous feelings are starting to kick in.

I've messed around with a guy at work before (another company) only I was the one that was hitched & he wasn't. He ended up leaving that company and the affair died with that. But this time I know I'm heading down a dead-end, lonely, heartbreaking street and I don't know how to end it with out causing strife for myself at work. I love my company and can't really imagine working anywhere else. However, I can't imagine working here and not being on "overly" friendly terms with this person either.

I of course love the attention and all the perks (sneak kisses, etc.) I get while I'm at work. But the weekends come & go and I usually end up having a breakdown of some-sort on Monday's. I think I'm letting it brew & stew in my head about how much time he's spending with his family...I know that's not a good sign from my heart.

In anycase, our company has a softball team that plays in the summer & fall and this guys wife is on our team. Fortunately for me, my mother is on the team - and she knows what's going on. Anyway, I'm afraid of what actions I might have or do or God help me a breakdown on the field. I want to end this with out being miserable at work.

I am fortunate also because we don't technically work together, nor is he "over" me, so ending this affair won't cause me any strife in my position or solidity of my job...but i know personally I will die a thousand deaths...so with that said, ANYONE have any help or advise...I don't see him leaving his wife of 16-17 years for me...so the dead end is probably very close @ hand...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:56pm
I am "seeing" a MM at work too so I can relate. I go in his office when he's not here and look at the pics of him and his wife and kids all happy together and it kills me! I've only met her once in December. I am M too but that only makes it marginally better. I think you are on the right track in ending it. I know a lot of S women here are involved with MM but I think its better if both people are on the same page, relationship wise. I totally understand how you will feel but at least you have this comfort - you are single, hopefully u can meet someone new and it will fill you with excitement and u will forget MM. MM on the other hand, is trapped in a M, and will be sad, jealous watching you forget him. Try to think of that. Also, I would not join the softball team. Why torture yourself> Its not worth it.

Hugs,

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:23pm
Thanks for your support Ivy. I wish that I could or even wanted to quit the softball team, but fact of the matter is, me & my mom love & want to play...and quite frankly we are needed for the count of girls. She will be there to support me if I get down, and luckily I'm pretty good at throwing myself into something to make myself forget about other things...i knew this would never be easy...and maybe seeing the "family" will set me straight in what I need to do...THANK YOU!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 1:48pm
Well, realistically speaking here, it's probably not going to work out to be any kind of serious relationship anyway. It seems like all you're doing is setting yourself up for the fall.

Why not just cut your losses and end it now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 2:34pm
wow what an ordeal, i know how you feel i am on the edge of ending my ema my mm is very distant now that we don't work together and i see less and less of him and he is very happy in his m and with his w he just can't resist me. but i think that is why i see him less and less now that he can't see me everyday he can have control more i am not right there like before, all i can say is this stuff is tricky. sounds like too much contact with w and that must be real hard. i guess just decide if you can handle that or not, then make a choice. i am going through some stuff right now with my mm so i am really not able to focus right now sorry good luck.

princess