how to get through the night

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
how to get through the night
5
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:25pm
HI... I ve been reading on this site for about an hour, trying not to cry

I am sitting here on yet another Friday night ( when my kids go with their father)

alone because MM had to go home to her because it "been such a busy week".

We can have stolen moments that we now refer to as drive-bys but if stays over night on a friday we can order out and watch a movie and just enjoy hanging out together as well as

the amazing sex we both love. we have known each other for almost 15 years, and I love him dearly .... the A has been for 5yrs and I am just dying inside that we cannot be together.... supposedly for the childens's sake...

During this time I had a baby and 2yrs later left my H who had no interest in sex at all

for 2yrs... the baby is H's but I wished it was MM as I love him so.

I have tried to get him out of my head and I keep social with girlfriends and trying to

available men online to date but I haven't found anyone yet.... I see myself waitng 10or more years for his children to grow up and I am afraid tht we will never be together.

We could have been together years ago but moved out of state after not hearing from him for months after he lost his father.... I wish I had waited longer... I have so much

regret that we are apart and it is heartbreaking..... He won't say he loves me I guess because of the committment of those words but he says that these drive-bys make him "stupid" and he hates it too........ I have a date tonight and am not even looking forward to it, just counting the hours till morning when he might see me before work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:31pm
Hey Deb, I'm feeling the same way as you tonite, blue. But you have a date to go on, try and get out there and enjoy yourself!! Forget about everyone else for the night at least, I hope this guy you're going out with is someone you like, maybe you will have a good time!!

Dusty

P.S. you said you wished you had waited after your MM's father died? I just posted that my MM hasn't contacted me in awhile and was wondering if that happened to anyone. I know they go thru things that keep them away from us sometimes ...

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 9:43pm
Hi Dusty-


I often think not waiting longer after MM father died when we

could freely be together ( I'd left my first H b/c I was in love with him even back then)

has colored my whole life with regret.... I know I can't change it but I still say if only.... fill in the blank... I would never regret my children who my 2nd H gave me or the times when I thought H would love me forever...but I guess now that I am on my own

and often lonely too... there are times I just die inside to be with MM... I am now here waiting for my date to contact me ...... I could scream!!

We met online awhile back and this will be out first time meeting in person and I just lost one my contacts down the drain!!

Help....LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:50pm
Hey, hang in there Deb (by the way, my name is Deb too). I also have children from 1st H, now with 2nd H. Miss MM so much. Can't stand it. I almost left H a couple of weeks ago, had the money ready and a place picked out but didn't go thru with it (that had nothing to do with MM, it was all about H's drinking). I hope you can find someone great if you can't be with Mm. There are alot of nice guys out there. I know, I had another guy I met online and we met in person. He was very sweet, but divorced. I didn't want to lead him on, because I was just looking for an affair, was not planning on leaving my H. So I know they are out there. It just takes time I guess. But MM ... I can't get him off my mind ... so sexy, so successful, just everything!! Even though i didn't want to get my heart involved, it definitely is!! But I don't think his is. That's my problem. And I knew not to expect anything. Stupid me!!

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:53pm
Listen, if this date calls you tonite, you get yourself together, dry up those tears, get on your sexiest outfit and do your makeup, and get yourself out there girl!! And MAKE yourself have a good time. You deserve some happiness, try to make some if you can.

hugs to you,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 10:01am


Hey Dusty---

Jeez I don't know why we put up with these MM......he he even said that to me once,

I don't know why you put up with this he said..... because I love him.

I did go on the date... the guy is younger, he's 29 and I am 38... we met for a

quick light bite, heard a little music... he had a few beers.... he's got a few

extra pounds.... but a nice guy. Still in the middle of a divorce thing with his soon to be ex but living with his Mom temporarily and moving to his own place next weekend

Not sure if I felt much chemisry between us... at least not really on my end...

who knows, right.

MM never came by this morning.... not sure how much longer my heart can handle it.

I did what you said though and I looked pretty hot if I do say so myself... I better say it...LOL.... no one else is.

Thanks for your sweet letters...... you helped me so much last night and having a little note this morning was wonderful... I am not crying....not today.. going to get a new coat for me today... the kids have new ones I already put away last winter....I'll write again later.... How are YOU today???