How to handle an ultimatum from AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2009
How to handle an ultimatum from AP
1
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 5:00pm

I'm a MW and my AP is a SM. His demands for me to leave my husband are getting more frequent and desperate. Getting a divorce was something I never envisioned until I met my AP. I'm torn between 2 worlds and it's a nerve-racking decision.


My husband is a good responsible man, but we have had serious issues. We tried counseling and I tried to dedicate myself to him by cutting off the affair, but I'm right back where I started from.


My AP is footloose

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:56pm

I'm not totally in your situation - my AP is also married and he's making noises about leaving but ultimately I don't think he ever will and I'm not sure I will either. Neither one of us have particularly bad marriages, we're just trying to decide if our spouses are who we want to continue to be with - we're both the kind of people who do everything to keep our marriage going and we're both burned out after 17 and 18 years of it.

I'm reading a great book right now called "When Good People Have Affairs" and I would highly recommend it. It is NOT a book telling you to stay in your marriage at all - it's a book that helps you decide what YOU need to be happy, and sometimes neither person is the one for you. Lots of 'tests' for you to figure out what it is you are really needing in your life. Good luck!