how to heal

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
how to heal
2
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 12:23am
I had an affair on my husband of 3 months with an ex-boyfriend of mine. Before the affair things were going bad. Lots of arguments and fighting and accusations. We were living in different states at the time because hes in the military. The distance was creating stresses in our relationship and the accusations began long before I had the affair. I am a photography student and I needed a model for an assignment. My ex came in to the studio to help me out. I dont know if it was the lure of the idea of being in school, being in front of a camera, or him standing there naked but somehow we got carried away and had sex. My husband found out two weeks ago and also found the pictures from that night. After a long day and night of pain, crying, and yelling we decided to work things out. I love him so much and really want to be with him the rest of my life. We are tryin to work it out but I dont know what is going to heal the pain that he feels as well as myself. He gets angry sometimes which is normal for the situation but I just wonder if it is ever going to stop. To hurt me he set up a new online profile stating he was single and he was also lookin at other womens profiles in the area. After I found that he told me that he only did it to stab me like I did him. I want this to work out but sometimes I feel as though he wants me to leave him so he would look like the good guy cuz he tried to work it out but I didnt want to. He has not made it easy on me to stay. Nothing can change what I did or even excuse my actions. Is there anyone out there that can lend me some coping advice for my situation?
Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: hurting_ali
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 7:11am
I am a bit confused, you are only married 3 months!!! And things were already going bad before the ex came back.? It sounds like the old, got married too soon ( too young, not ready blah etc.. ). I think its logical that he would want to 'get back' at you, but flirting with the idea and actually acting on it are two different things. Of course he is hurt etc. but what do you want. I mean if your ex comes back in a few years when you have kids etc.. and this happens, this could really mess a lot of people up. Not just the two of you. So many women come here and are struggling with many things, but having kids is number 1. So stop and think. Maybe its best if you take time BY YOURSELF and see if you can discover what you need. Having a military husband is going to be hard. He WILL be away a lot and you will feel tempted, but if after 3 months you already gave in, maybe its time to admit being a military wife isn't made for you?

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
In reply to: hurting_ali
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 10:29am
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Edited 3/10/2004 5:08 pm ET ET by geek_chic