How to help AP with Guilt

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2010
How to help AP with Guilt
6
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 6:27am
Confuzed
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 6:51am

My AP is the same.


Space and just the odd hand squeeze, shoulder rub seem to be all he wants. Anything else is too 'in his face' and he prefers the 'less is more' approach.


I learnt this the hard way btw, by nature Im a talker!

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 4:49pm
Sounds exactly like my XAP.. the guilt would kill him..... but he always got over it .. till last mth .. after 5 years .. hes not that same guy any more .. im fun and wonderful and all that but he cant do this any more .. he hates himself and has no self respect any more...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 9:19pm

Hi ..not sure I have any real advice for you but my OM also has bouts of the most horrendous guilt and ours is EA only (we have not had sex ..erm in person! LOL ) Whenever HE gets to the stage he is seriously wanting to cross the line, eventually he recoils for a time as he becomes overwhelmed by guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 12:36am

OMG, LMAO@ your comment about you crossing the line, too! Hahaha!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 10:16am

I agree with the others: there's not much you can do other than be there for them if they want to talk, be patient, and know that this, too, shall pass.


I'm really fortunate that my AP doesn't feel a lot of guilt, and when he does, he doesn't pull away.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Thu, 07-15-2010 - 9:18am

Hi Confuzed

I don't think there's anything you can do. My (ex) AP (I guess) really struggled with the guilt and became very hot and cold with me. Sometimes he'd be so happy to see me and all over me, flirting, complimenting me, making plans for us. Then he'd turn all squirrely and kinda avoid me and it broke my heart. We were supposed to have an overnight this past Sunday and I was really worried he was going to get cold feet and bail and you know what? He did. Didn't even tell me until about 4 fours before we were supposed to meet. And then never responded to ANY of my texts about making future plans, and then if he wanted to end us, he just had to say it. So clearly major guilt and cold feet. Haven't heard a word from him since and I am truly devastated.

Hot and cold guilty feeling guys are extremely difficult. Like everyone else said, you have to just sit back and let them work things out themselves. But honestly, they might never get past that guilt and might always do this kind of stuff so if you want to stay in the relationship, you have to be prepared for the heartache that might follow.

I thought I was but I totally wasn't.

Good luck.