Space and just the odd hand squeeze, shoulder rub seem to be all he wants. Anything else is too 'in his face' and he prefers the 'less is more' approach.
I learnt this the hard way btw, by nature Im a talker!
Sounds exactly like my XAP.. the guilt would kill him..... but he always got over it .. till last mth .. after 5 years .. hes not that same guy any more .. im fun and wonderful and all that but he cant do this any more .. he hates himself and has no self respect any more...
Hi ..not sure I have any real advice for you but my OM also has bouts of the most horrendous guilt and ours is EA only (we have not had sex ..erm in person! LOL ) Whenever HE gets to the stage he is seriously wanting to cross the line, eventually he recoils for a time as he becomes overwhelmed by guilt.
I agree with the others: there's not much you can do other than be there for them if they want to talk, be patient, and know that this, too, shall pass.
I'm really fortunate that my AP doesn't feel a lot of guilt, and when he does, he doesn't pull away.
I don't think there's anything you can do. My (ex) AP (I guess) really struggled with the guilt and became very hot and cold with me. Sometimes he'd be so happy to see me and all over me, flirting, complimenting me, making plans for us. Then he'd turn all squirrely and kinda avoid me and it broke my heart. We were supposed to have an overnight this past Sunday and I was really worried he was going to get cold feet and bail and you know what? He did. Didn't even tell me until about 4 fours before we were supposed to meet. And then never responded to ANY of my texts about making future plans, and then if he wanted to end us, he just had to say it. So clearly major guilt and cold feet. Haven't heard a word from him since and I am truly devastated.
Hot and cold guilty feeling guys are extremely difficult. Like everyone else said, you have to just sit back and let them work things out themselves. But honestly, they might never get past that guilt and might always do this kind of stuff so if you want to stay in the relationship, you have to be prepared for the heartache that might follow.
My AP is the same.
Space and just the odd hand squeeze, shoulder rub seem to be all he wants. Anything else is too 'in his face' and he prefers the 'less is more' approach.
I learnt this the hard way btw, by nature Im a talker!
Hi ..not sure I have any real advice for you but my OM also has bouts of the most horrendous guilt and ours is EA only (we have not had sex ..erm in person! LOL ) Whenever HE gets to the stage he is seriously wanting to cross the line, eventually he recoils for a time as he becomes overwhelmed by guilt.
OMG, LMAO@ your comment about you crossing the line, too! Hahaha!
I agree with the others: there's not much you can do other than be there for them if they want to talk, be patient, and know that this, too, shall pass.
I'm really fortunate that my AP doesn't feel a lot of guilt, and when he does, he doesn't pull away.
anotherseyes
Hi Confuzed
I don't think there's anything you can do. My (ex) AP (I guess) really struggled with the guilt and became very hot and cold with me. Sometimes he'd be so happy to see me and all over me, flirting, complimenting me, making plans for us. Then he'd turn all squirrely and kinda avoid me and it broke my heart. We were supposed to have an overnight this past Sunday and I was really worried he was going to get cold feet and bail and you know what? He did. Didn't even tell me until about 4 fours before we were supposed to meet. And then never responded to ANY of my texts about making future plans, and then if he wanted to end us, he just had to say it. So clearly major guilt and cold feet. Haven't heard a word from him since and I am truly devastated.
Hot and cold guilty feeling guys are extremely difficult. Like everyone else said, you have to just sit back and let them work things out themselves. But honestly, they might never get past that guilt and might always do this kind of stuff so if you want to stay in the relationship, you have to be prepared for the heartache that might follow.
I thought I was but I totally wasn't.
Good luck.