How honest is your AP with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2007
How honest is your AP with you?
13
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 7:32pm

I don't see a lot of the old names here so I don't know all of your stories and I haven't been here in a while.


I've read several posts here lately about close friendships, confiding in each other, excuses, AP'S being busy, finding out they are lying, not trusting, and all the stories that go along with them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 7:45pm
Yes, I'm in love with him and I know he loves me, but he starts to pull away when the guilt trips from his wife set in. He says he's more honest with me than he is his wife, which I believe, but at the same time, I know he lies to me at times, so he must REALLY tell his wife some doozies! He tries to break the connection to her, but she is really good at laying on the guilt, along with his adult daughter, and he caves everytime. I know he "loves" her for the years they've been together ( known each other since high school, she got pregnant in high school although they didn't marry till years later), but he's not IN love with her and he's not happy, but something inside of him won't allow himself to stand up for what he wants and it's hard for him to see her hurt. He's cheated on her several times before me and says it wasn't till me that he actually fell in love instead of just looking for a distraction from his marriage. Do I trust him? No, not to keep running back to her and that's why I told him this time he had to move out ON HIS OWN and be completely over her and DIVORCED before we could be together...which he agreed to..wasn't happy about me still being here with my husband, but I told him the last few times we moved in together, it never worked, so this time, it was my way. He hasn't come right out and told me, but I think he moved back in with her....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 8:10pm

How honest do you think your AP is with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 8:13pm
0% honest! Zilch! ALL lies.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 8:28pm

I have been in A on again/off again for 12 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 8:29pm

How honest do you think your AP is with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:32pm
OMG..the over analyzing...YES! I think that is one of the worst parts of an affair...always reading more into the texts and conversations....gawd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 12:47am

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Edited 7/26/2009 10:37 pm ET by goblinqueen79
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 8:55am

How honest do you think your AP is with you?

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:55am

How honest do you think your AP is with you?
He is always honest with me and me with him.

Does he/she tell you about his/her marriage or how good/bad it is? Or why either of you are in this?
We discuss our marriages all the time. We started out as FWB, he fell in love with me, then me with him.

Do you tell each other secrets and are confidants to one another?
Yes, we share secrets, he is my greatest confidant, I can talk to him about anything.

Do you only hear what you want or what he/her wants you to hear?
No, in fact he jokes sometimes that I am the realistic one in this relationship. He thinks we just need to be together, I have to analyze everything and make him think.

Do you really trust him/her? Does it make a difference about your feelings?
Yes I trust him, sounds ironic when you think that we are in an A, but I really do trust him.

Are you in love with them? Do you share your feelings with each other?
We are in love, we share our feelings all the time.

Could you ever see yourself with them solely?
Yes, we are working on that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 11:57am

How honest do you think your AP is with you?

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