How to initiate this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2009
How to initiate this?
23
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 12:58pm

I am a 35 old mother of 2. My oldest is 4 and youngest is 8 weeks. My husband and I are constantly at odds over everything. Kids will do that to a marriage! I need someone to make me feel good.

There is a guy I want to be with (sexually speaking), he' also my doctor. He delivered both my kids and is the most caring man. He's a huge flirt, I can feel the sexual tension between us whenever I see him. The things he says off the cuff make me wonder if he sees me as more than a patient... I know, I know....he's my doctor, he's married and what the hell am I thinking? But I have to act on this and see if he feels the same. How can I initiate this? If he doesn't feel the same than I guess I end up losing him as my doctor (either way I lose himas doc) and I will be totally embarrassed.

I am attractive, educated... he's a little older (47) so it's not like I'm out of my league here...how should I approach this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 1:13pm

honestly? don't.

he would be in HUGE trouble as a breach of his professional ethics. lose his license to practice medicine.

and i would guess he sees lots of women. LOTS of women. so he knows how to manage this.

plus 8 weeks post baby i can't imagine taking on another man.

but that's me.
Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 1:17pm
yes, I thought of that...but I could "fire" him as my doc and then that would not be an issue. I just am totally attracted to him and can't get him out of my head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 1:24pm
Gyneas are friendly,its part of their job.Your baby is 8 weeks only and you might be feeling the hormonal imbalance.Rest and take care of the baby while your body settles down to normal.
(( hugs ))
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 1:30pm

Bobbie,


Hi.


<>


Wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 1:59pm

Thank you Flying Again....I don't know your experience in a situation like this...(wanted another man when your married) but this IS a forum on "My Affair Support."

If you want to know anything about me, I don't like listening to the voice of a reason, I'm stubborn that way.

Seriously though, yes, I could get him out of my head over time...but this is more than an attraction or crush. I think about him ALL the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 2:35pm

bobbieg,


If you haven't yet taken the time to read through some of the posts on this board, I'd highly recommend you do that the next time the baby is napping. Might put your fantasies about the good doc to rest for awhile.


We all felt the attraction--the irresitible pull. And no matter the outcome, most of us have paid dearly for it.


But...if it's just sex you want, and you think he's game, go for it. We'll still be here when the attaction has grown into an emotional connection, when your D-Day comes, and when you're home with two kids stewing over why he can't fit you in between office hours and his next c-section.


I wish I had found this board when I was contemplating my A. Maybe somebody would have shown me the light before I crashed in the dark tunnel.


Please think carefully about this bobbieg. Some of us sound harsh, but that's because we don't want to see others make the mistakes we did. The support is mostly for when we're

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 2:52pm

Bobbie,


<>


Well, then, you have much bigger problems than being attracted to another man, don't you?


And, from the sound of things, looks like your future MM will have a bunch of problems in his hands soon too.


You want to go a few rounds with someone (me and others here) who could actually teach you something which you clearly need to learn, then I'm game?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 4:26pm

BobbieG,


I know you came here for advice on how to initiate things, I also know you are not getting what you wanted. This is going to be another of those. If you don't want to know what I have to say stop here.


I understand the attraction to your OB/GYN. This man has known you very intimately. He has listened to your concerns, been there for you during your entire pregnancy, and shared in a very emotional moment in your life. I personally had a bit of a crush on my Dr. also.. but that's it, I realized it was just that and I would get over it. Please know that this is actually a very very common occurrence in women who have recently had a child. You can post on the pregnancy boards and I think you might be surprised at how many replies you get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 10:01pm

Okay, I will answer your question straight up. (although you KNOW that only YOU can make yourself feel good, right, in the end?)


If you want to initiate it, just ask him. Ask him to meet you for coffee. Or whatever. His reaction should tell you.


Everyone else has told you how hard it is to be in an A, so I won't go there. BUT, I would advise you, if you want to have a FWB, it might be easier to pick someone single. Less complications that way.


I hope you don't, just because it is a painful road and honestly not worth great sex. But if you choose to go ahead, we'll be here for support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 10:39pm

Snow (Hi there, Snow!) said it great. I too will tell you that if you want to initiate then INITIATE. Just ask him.

My guess is that it isn't going to be what you think it is, but I could be wrong.

Flying said two things very well. First she told you that you are 8 weeks post child birth and even if you fire him as your doctor he could still lose his livelihood. (It isn't that doctor's don't have affairs btw, they do, just not with patients). The second thing flying said very well was that if you don't want the voice of reason it would seem you have bigger problems.

Yes (and at the risk of igniting an old conversation), this is an affair support board. Support includes discouraging people from taking a step that seemingly cannot end well. Generally, you will hear very realistic things when people ask about starting an affair. Like about how much you risk losing by doing so.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz

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