How long can I do this for?
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:57pm|
I've always thought about this subject, but never really given it any real deep thought. Yet the question keeps coming back and hounding me...most especially when AP/BF leaves. As you may remember, we just celebrated our 5th anniversary...we didn't really acknowledge it out loud to each other, but special things were bought & prepared. It felt celabratory anyway :-)
He came home again this weekend (yay) and it was really, really lovely. He came straight to my apartment from the road, which was super nice. Normally we just meet at the pub, and then come back to my place. We also went without alcohol for a change and the level of intimacy we reached was truly wonderful. I'm not talking about just sex either. The conversation, the hugs and kisses, it was intoxicating (who needs alcohol, huh?). I've been cutting WAY back anyhow, it is just way to freakin' fattening! Also, surprise surprise....the arguments have become ZERO.
So, when he's away I go and hang out with a GF...who herself is in love with a MM. Anyhow, we always talk about the "deep" stuff...and we were both wondering how long I can continue in this relationship. I've thought about it often, and I can't think beyond the NOW. I think I could go on indefinitely. Then I think that I can't possibly. Then I think, but I love him SO much...I don't care if he ever leaves her and marries me. Then I think...but I'm worth that, and more! And back and forth, and back and forth. This isn't coming from a place of pain, or angst...I'm just truly curious. And honestly? Sometimes I think I have the perfect arrangement...no one breathing down my neck 100% of the time, able to have "ME" time without question. He does lots of things around the house for me, and things that he doesn't do? I learn how, and I do them! I do have plenty of times when I really do wish he was all mine, but it's not such a biggy in my life at the moment. I think that's because I am so blissfully happy right now...I really do fall more and more in love with him every time we're together. But...can I do this for another five years? Ten? I'll be 60 by then! Lord, I wish I had the answers.
I guess I would like to know if there are any single MAS'ers out there who have remained in a long (LONG) term R with their AP? And how do you see the rest of your life playing out? Do you still have hope that he/she will leave their M's and end up with you?
Still, I feel incredibly happy with my guy...and he makes me feel like he feels the same. We are doing so great right now, I couldn't be much happier..that's for sure!