How long does the average affair last?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
How long does the average affair last?
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 5:54pm

Just curious as to how long the average affair lasts? How long have you been involved in your affair or in your past affairs?

I'm currently at the start of an affair with a married man and I am married as well. I feel so much emotion toward this man I can't eat, I am having trouble sleeping, my every waking thoughts are about him. We have not spoke today and its killing me. I know he is out of town until tonight so its not that he is avoiding me. I have sent him three texts since last night and have not rec'd one single reply, I have knots in my stomach over it. He says he wants something long term with me and always talks about stuff he wants to do with me, I should feel reassured but I dont I am so insecure I keep worrying he is going to end things even though things have barely started. Is what im feeling normal? Am I cut out for this? He told me he loves me and I told him I love him. He said there are all different kinds of love, not sure what he meant by that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 6:28pm
I am not sure about the average affair, but mine is 9 months, and still going strong. The feelings you are having are all very normal, it is called the "affair fog", most of us are in it for a very long time, because it is an affair, the feelings seem to last longer than a "normal" relationship, because you never seem to get to the point of everyday life stressors, at least that is what I believe. I wouldn't worry about him not contacting you. Wait it out, if he is out of town , he is probably very busy, and if he is blowing you off already, you really don't want him anyway, right? Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 8:28pm

The actual affair (the hot and heavy part of it) lasted only 3 months, but it broke down like this:

October or November - the guy started talking to me, knew my name - I didn't know who he was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 9:23pm

Medichic, I don't know how long the average affair lasts however my affair has lasted 8 years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2005
Sat, 06-28-2008 - 10:36pm
Well, I have had a few but my last one lasted the longest and led me into divorcing my H. It lasted 7 months and then I walked out on H on Thanksgiving and moved in with AP. Best choice that I have EVER made.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 1:55am

Hi medichic,

My AP/BF and I are about to celebrate our one year anniversary. This is my third affair but the two previous are nothing compared to what I'm in now. My first A happened as a result of me being extremely unhappy and yes, angry at my H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 5:30am

Been in my A going on a year. I think what you describe is the exact emotions many if not all of us here have had to deal with time to time.

IMO the emotions and insecurities stem from having to learn to accept and trust in what you are being told and shown. Many of us dont have the benefits of knowing what our AP's are truly like within their natural surrounding ie. home life. We only have what we see and hear, so therefore we have no solid evidence to back up their words and tend to then make up our own presumtions. Feeling all those feelings that your going through right now are all normal, lets face it we cant just pick up the phone, or pop on over just so they can put our minds at ease. So what do we do, well we enjoy them, we over time learn to have to trust them and their emotions, over time things get better and we learn to relax and we teach ourselves to deal with the emotions better for if we didnt a) our insecurities could ruin a good thing unintentionally, or b) we would just be purely miserable and fretting all the time therefore impeding into our everyday life.

I was very insecure and cautious at the beginning of my affair, but then i sat and spoke to my AP about it, after all if they really care as much as they say they do then they would understand. But you must remember they have a life away from us, they have other commitments just like many of us do too. Others have the rights to their time too,especially if they have children. but this does not mean they are thinking of you any less or they are distancing from you. The are just commiting themselves to whatever task at hand they have at that particular time or day, knowing that we are still going to be their for them later or

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 2:28pm

Oh, very well said sugarandspice!

I found your post very inspiring and so true....I've taken the same path as you (or at least trying really hard to remember to). I've decided that right now, he's worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 2:46pm
almost 6 years for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sun, 06-29-2008 - 4:18pm

“Most love affairs last for 2 to 3 years but some last a lifetime”

You seem to have a lot of question so you might want to read the rest of these.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 06-30-2008 - 1:40pm

Hello Mrs Smith and Jones,