How long is too long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
How long is too long?
9
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:14am
He is on vacation. 2 wks. I told him it was going to be hard for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:39am
I found it very difficult to email when I was out of town because my H was always hovering and checking the internet history (he was already suspicious).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:42am
Take a deep breath and chill out!!

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be…<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-micro

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 10:43am

If he really wants to, he will find a way to contact,W or not.

How long do you want to wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 11:59am

Thanks to all, I recently found this board, and I never knew how many folks feel the same things!


Good question on how long I want to wait.


I think the problem is that he and I talked for a long time last Tuesday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 1:20pm

You need to sit back and relax. Get in touch with the reality of the situation.
The poor guy is on vacation with his family. It might not be safe for him to e-mail you.

It's not that long, you will survive. Why make such a big deal out of it. I know it's hard. I know you'll miss him. I understand where you're coming from. But from there to demand that he contacts you and being mad at him for not being able to... Not e-mailing you does NOT mean he's not thinking of you, missing you. And if you tell him so you'll just come across as nagging and needy. Play it cool. It pays.

What you're experiencing is the nature of an A. Reminder: You're not his # 1, you are the OW.

I know my AP had every intention of e-mailing me during his three week summer vacation. But with W and kids (4) around 24/7 it proved more difficult than exptected. I brought my own laptop with me on my two week vacation, and with just SO and myself you should think it would be easy. Well, it wasn't. SO was always around, and it was really hard finding the privacy I needed to send him messages. It takes longer than a bathroom trip to send a message ! I can tell you first hand that it was exstremely hard, and I missed him like crazy. He was on my mind 24/7, but it was more than a week before I managed to get a short message sent.

But then I guess I'm not exactly spoiled when it comes to contact with my AP. Due to his working conditions abroad there's often a week or more between e-mails. For me it's either to accept it or get out.


Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 1:34pm
I agree.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 6:33pm

Respectfully, I do think you are overreacting a bit. I mean, if there is more going on here than just him not emailing you then only you know if your feelings are appropriate, but if all of the turmoil in your post is about not getting an email since he's been away, you need to cut him some slack. It might be very hard to catch a moment alone to send an email, or access to a computer might be limited. The last vacation I went on with my DH was a cruise and we only had access to internet that we had to pay for by the minute. Lemme tell ya, if I would have charged the internet time to send an email to my AP to our room, that would have been semi-obvious to DH. An important thing to think about that I hear around here all the time is that you should care as much as AP that his W not find out about you because that could mean the end for you and him.


I understand your upset at not being in touch, especially if you are used to frequent contact, but I would not jump to any conclusions about his feelings for you until the vacation is over.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 11:07pm
DEl


Edited 6/16/2009 6:28 am ET by theeternal
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 2:43am

How long is too long is up to you and what you can handle. But you need to take a step back and breathe on this one. OK, so AP will not contact me when it is not safe to do so. If he got caught, we are likely to be finished, so his safety is paramount to me. I don't like being out of contact, but I know (and he has told me so many times) that just because he isn't in contact doesn't mean he isn't thinking of me. You need to cut the guy some slack on this one. He's in a high risk situation in regards to contacting you. He has family around him all the time. Not contacting you doesn't mean he doesn't want to, but I'm sure you really don't want him to take the risk of a d-day.

Pisces




Edited 11/23/2008 9:01 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces