How long was it before you ..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
How long was it before you ..........
19
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 8:00pm
first consummated the A? I'm just curious about everybody's different experiences. We have NOT consummated ours yet, but I know we will, I just don't know when. We've both expressed that desire, we just don't want our first time to be trivial and in any old place or just a common thing.

We even scheduled it for two weeks from now, but it doesn't look like that will happen, so we will probably have to reschedule for some time next month. We'll see. We have set rules for that as well. Never at my house, never at his house, never at certain motels, etc..... We have a whole list of when nots and where nots. Just being cautious because we both want to stay married to our spouses.

That does sound stupid. We want each other but we want to stay married to our spouses. I never in a million years thought I'd ever be this selfish or be in a situation like this one.

Ok, my tangent is over, now answer my question please fellow board members. I've noticed that men are also on this board.

Laugh Smiles

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 11:32pm
Well, depends on how you define it, actually.

Okay, I'll define it myself. Six months.

A piece of advice, from an old pro at scheduling in a long term, long distance affair... don't try to schedule too much or expect too much from any one encounter. Especially the *first* encounter. No expectations is best - look at it as time for the two of you, without others being able to interrupt, but also without expectations of anything in particular. We have to schedule, too (because of our A logistics), but we have found it to be less pressure (and better... ) if we keep expectations (and preceding conversations specifically on that topic), to a minimum. Just my own impressions here, for what they're worth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 11:46pm
hisgoodgirl,

Maybe it sounds stupid but a lot of us are like you. We don't want to end our marriages but we needed something more. For am and my MM we had known each other for a couple of years (co-workers) but after a business trip together we both realized how much we liked each other and how much we had in common as far as dissatisfaction with our Ms. After we decided we wanted an A it was a few weeks of planning before we got together but it was wonderful!!! That was about 4 months ago and we've maneged to plan several more times together. We both have other jobs at our company now and don't see each other as often but we e-mail and talk on the phone every workday and get together for lunch a couple of times a week. There are no signs of stopping yet. It is hard sometimes though, living this double life. Sometimes I really hate the fact that I am not his priority but that's how it goes in an affair.

TA
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:36am
Hi hisgoodgirl

It was about a month after we confessed our attraction to each other. Before that we knew each other for almost three years -- so it did, and didn't take long!!

Get used to the scheduling problems, but it will be worth it! I do think it is good not to have too many expectations. Just enjoy each other for that bit of time when the rest of the world disappears. That part won't be hard -- it's addictive!

Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 8:57am
Well, bearing out the similarities between our As. . . it took us 3 months to become physically intimate at all, another 4 months before we, er, consummated it. Like you, we were not looking for a quickie in the back of the car (though we've discovered that the occasional one can be fun, and we do lots of other things in cars!) - if we were going to do that, we wanted to have lots of time. It's not something that happens all that often - maybe once every month or two - for that very reason. We have a list of hotels and go among them to spare OM the embarrassment of checking out "early" too often in one place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 9:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 10:53am
Shouldi, I had to laugh when you mentioned the list of hotels. MM always says "they must think we are perverts" and laughs, and I always say "so, we are aren't we" lol

MM and I knew eachother for a long time, realized our attraction and it took six months before we were able to be "together". He didn't want it to be a quickie so to speak and its so hard for him to get away. We have only been together twice and only see eachother in that way about every 4 months, which is hard, but I see him and talk to him frequently so it makes it all worth it.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 11:51am
MM and i knew each other (and his W and my BF) for over 5 years before ANYTHING happened. we started flirting and talking about our non-existent sex lives, just kidding around. about six months later, MM started to have some serious discussions with me at social functions about the issue. after a few more months, he asked me if i'd be interested in a one-time "meeting" to which i replied "sure." i really didn't think MM would follow through, but one night he called me and asked me to meet him at his boat and i went, just walked out of the house! what was supposed to be a one-time get-together is now 3+ years into the A.

it's crazy, but it just gets better and better.

see ya,

gurl

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 2:21pm
Hello HGG,

I've known my MM for several years. We run in the same circle of friends. Our EMA started because he responded to a joke that I sent out via email. I have never fooled around before but had thought about it often (Sexless marriage for many many years). Anyhow, we started talking via e-mail and one thing lead to another. It took us about 3 weeks to actually consummate the relationship. I was so nervous when driving to meet him the first time, I still don't remember getting there! LOL! Sat, Oct 11th will be one year from the first hotel meeting. However, We had a few smooch, smooch meeting before that. We are still going strong. Our relationship has blossomed:) We talk and e-mail one another every day. Oh and we see each other at least 3 to 4 times a week, one of those days being our marathon days at our little hotel:):):) Yesterday:) To answer you other question: No, you don't sound stupid. You sound like you are a bright young woman. I commend you for thinking these things thru. It's better to be safe than sorry. We too intend to stay married to our spouses. We're having our cake and eating it too:) Good luck! If you ever need to talk let me know I'm here. NMR

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 2:34pm
I had only known MM for four months. We began working together in October. Started as friends, by December we already knew there was an attraction. Both of us never planned on acting on it, but by February it seemed inevitable. What started out as a one night thing, ended up being one of the most fufilling relationships I've ever had. This was over four and a half years ago. We're still together today, and we do the motel thing usually once a month. Try not to pick a motel too many people know about. The motel we've been using, we've used for over four years now. Funny how this brings up memories of our first night in the motel together. I remember he was shaking so bad, that I was joked that, what was he, a virgin again. He told me he was afraid to disappoint me, but I knew that would never happen/
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-08-2003 - 2:40pm
I agree! We go to a hotel that none of our friends would ever go to. It's funny, I was the nervous one on our first few meetings. Sounds like you have a great thing going! Good luck!NMR

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